This morning he decided it was time for a little play.
So as we were talking he had me attach the TENS unit pads to the very top of my inner thigh and get the vibe and put it just inside my cunt, on the lowest possible "on" and then he continued talking to me. I had sent him a beginning of the story the other day and he wanted me to tell him the next part, and for some reason it was really embarrassing. I am not sure why, but even the thought of saying it, made me blush and squirm with embarrassment. He laughed at me and asked me if I was blushing because if I had to tell him the next bit of the story, he would be able to see how depraved I could be. Which just sort of made it worse, because he was right. I was worried about that old phrase, "Be careful what you wish for" coming back and biting me on the arse when I get home. Any way he got distracted by a call and seemed to forget what he had asked me to do.
I waited until he had finished talking, then followed his instruction to turn up the unit and the vibe and put it deeper inside me. And he talked a bit about work and just stuff. The he made me turn up the unit more, and use the vibrator, and then I stopped concentrating. My mind distracted by the pain and the sensations inside me, I stopped concentrating and I came. Realising what had happened, I started to say sorry.
"On your knees slave"
I leap of the bed, untangled myself from earphones, ropes , books etc and almost threw myself on the floor, onto my knees, knowing that what I had done.
"Did I say you could cum slave, did you have permission?"
I hung my head and shook it .
"Well, did you?"
"No Sir, I did not have permission"
He turned up the unit and told me that he felt that he had not been controlling me as much as he should have been, that it was my responsibility to tell him when I was about to cum, and to ask permission, but that the control was his responsibility. And as I will be home in four week, from now on there will be more control, there will be preparation to be with him again. It will be hard work and he will be taking back all the control that he has let slip.
Then he told me to make myself cum for him. And this time I asked before I did and he said yes, although it had crossed my mind he might have said no, just to make a point.
.
He stopped the pain, he stopped the pleasure. He stopped everything.
And I got so cold the moment it stopped, I was freezing, shaking and shivering from head to foot. My teeth began to chatter and he asked me what was wrong. I was frozen.
He told me to get back into bed, to wrap myself up.
And he talked to me about how much he was looking forward to seeing me again, how he longer to have me home in his arms, how he missed the feel of my hand in his. He talked about how much he loves me and misses me, how proud he is of me. He told me how the bed is empty without me.
He also told me he know that I am excited about coming home, but how I am nervous too. It has been nearly six months and it will be scarey, the control will be difficult at first.
And I fell back to sleep with these words in my ears.
"Sleep sweet slave, I love you"
It doesnt get much better than that.
Saturday, 18 June 2011
Friday, 17 June 2011
Then another list arrived: Pegs, ropes weights, vibrator, plug
Oh finally, I have sat down, stopped and have enough time to write. I know there has not been this much of a gap between posts since I started.
There is so much to say and I hope I have enough time to say it.
We have hardly talked in the last few days, in fact if I haven't been working I've been asleep pretty much, apart from one night, when he absolutely insisted that I talked to him.
So late in the night I switched on my computer and saw a list:
Control, pain, silence, obedience, submission, peace.
This was his list of thing he felt had been missing in my life this week.
Then another list arrived:
Pegs, ropes weights, vibrator, plug.
I got everything ready for him and waited by the computer and another email arrived:
Strip, rope, plug, nipple and clit pegs, kneel, wait
So I stripped and inserted the plug, put my rope around my neck, not tight, but there, so I was aware of it, I attached the pegs to my nipples and clit and knelt down and waited for him.
My email pinged and another one arrived, "Turn the camera on and put your face on the floor with your asre facing me and when you hear me ping turn around and open your cunt for me."
So I did as he said and knelt on the floor, my arse exposed, the plug filling my hole and waited to move position until he had finished looking at me.
Instead of a ping, my phone went and he called and told me to remove the plug and hold my arse open for inspection. Then he told me to replace it, turn around and show him my cunt so he could inspect it, to pull it open by the pegs attached to it. I waited there until he had finished the inspection, waited while he commented on how my cunt was wet.
I stood on instruction so he could see how the pegs were on my nipples, and he told me that I was to attach the weight to the pegs and stand and wait for him. The weights are two small silk bags that had held present from him. They get filled with coins,the number and weight of depending on what he wants. I filled the bags and stood.
I could feel the weight pulling down on my nipples, but by standing still I felt I could control how I dealt with the pulling and the pain.
After ten minutes he told me to do and get the thin rope from the cupboard where it is kept. I had to climb up onto the shelf and reach up, and then I had no control over the pain, or how I deat with it, because I couldn't. So it filled me as the weights pulled the pegs, and I knew that this was the moment the control became his again..
I was instructed to fold the rope in half and then tie it to the bags, pulling them together, but still allowing them to hang down and then each end was to be tied to a peg on my cunt, effectively joining my pegged nipples and cunt. My hands were shaking by the time I had finished, my eyes full of tears and my breath catching in my throat.
He then told me I could choose.
I could pull the pegs on my cunt apart and tie them with another rope to my legs, or I could get the vibrator and make myself cum, standing in front of the camera.
I have not cum for what seems like a lifetime, and yet I knew that it would hurt too, but not as much as the first option.
10...9...8....
I hate it when he counts.
7...6...5...
"Cum please Sir"
I had to walk to the bed and get the vibrator and push it deep into my cunt, turning it on to full.
"Fuck yourself hard slave, ram that vibe in, imagine its my cock fucking you, fucking you like the slave you are"
Standing before him, the rope pulling on my cunt and nipples I fucked myself with the vibrator, the orgasm building deep inside me, coming at me in waves, threatening to overwhelm me, flowing through me .
I begged.
"Please Sir, may your slave be allowed to cum ?"
"Who do you come for slave"
"Please Sir may your slave be allowed to cum for you Sir ?"
"Are you sure its not for you slave, for your pleasure, this is not about you today?"
And with that I got to the point of no return,but i knew even like that tied, in pain, exposed and fucking myself , I knew if he said stop I would.
"Stand up straight and cum slave"
As I stood up straight the rope pulled on my cunt and nipples and even through the pegs were tight I felt them slipping slowly and excruciatingly painfully off the end of my nipples, and pulling on my cunt at the same time. They pulled off my nipples as I came and fell downwards, the weights attached to the rope pulling on my cunt as the orgasm ripped through me. I cried out and sobbed as the mix of pain and pleasure filled me.
As it subsided, I stood before him, my legs shaking, chest heaving, nipples sore and swollen, the blood rushing in. The rope was swinging form my cunt.
"You are beautiful slave, I love to see you give me your pain, to give me your submission. I love your obidence.Good girl"
And from deep inside me came the peace, the feelings of submission washed over me. It filled me, took over me and took away the pain.
"Take the pegs of baby, lie on the bed.
Slave you are beautiful, your submission is ht e best gift you can ever give me".
And there I lay. I knew parts of me hurt, I knew that I had pain in me. I knew my holes were still filled, but as I lay on the bed and wrapped myself in my blanket, his voice filled me, my submission completed me.
I was his.
I am.
There is so much to say and I hope I have enough time to say it.
We have hardly talked in the last few days, in fact if I haven't been working I've been asleep pretty much, apart from one night, when he absolutely insisted that I talked to him.
So late in the night I switched on my computer and saw a list:
Control, pain, silence, obedience, submission, peace.
This was his list of thing he felt had been missing in my life this week.
Then another list arrived:
Pegs, ropes weights, vibrator, plug.
I got everything ready for him and waited by the computer and another email arrived:
Strip, rope, plug, nipple and clit pegs, kneel, wait
So I stripped and inserted the plug, put my rope around my neck, not tight, but there, so I was aware of it, I attached the pegs to my nipples and clit and knelt down and waited for him.
My email pinged and another one arrived, "Turn the camera on and put your face on the floor with your asre facing me and when you hear me ping turn around and open your cunt for me."
So I did as he said and knelt on the floor, my arse exposed, the plug filling my hole and waited to move position until he had finished looking at me.
Instead of a ping, my phone went and he called and told me to remove the plug and hold my arse open for inspection. Then he told me to replace it, turn around and show him my cunt so he could inspect it, to pull it open by the pegs attached to it. I waited there until he had finished the inspection, waited while he commented on how my cunt was wet.
I stood on instruction so he could see how the pegs were on my nipples, and he told me that I was to attach the weight to the pegs and stand and wait for him. The weights are two small silk bags that had held present from him. They get filled with coins,the number and weight of depending on what he wants. I filled the bags and stood.
I could feel the weight pulling down on my nipples, but by standing still I felt I could control how I dealt with the pulling and the pain.
After ten minutes he told me to do and get the thin rope from the cupboard where it is kept. I had to climb up onto the shelf and reach up, and then I had no control over the pain, or how I deat with it, because I couldn't. So it filled me as the weights pulled the pegs, and I knew that this was the moment the control became his again..
I was instructed to fold the rope in half and then tie it to the bags, pulling them together, but still allowing them to hang down and then each end was to be tied to a peg on my cunt, effectively joining my pegged nipples and cunt. My hands were shaking by the time I had finished, my eyes full of tears and my breath catching in my throat.
He then told me I could choose.
I could pull the pegs on my cunt apart and tie them with another rope to my legs, or I could get the vibrator and make myself cum, standing in front of the camera.
I have not cum for what seems like a lifetime, and yet I knew that it would hurt too, but not as much as the first option.
10...9...8....
I hate it when he counts.
7...6...5...
"Cum please Sir"
I had to walk to the bed and get the vibrator and push it deep into my cunt, turning it on to full.
"Fuck yourself hard slave, ram that vibe in, imagine its my cock fucking you, fucking you like the slave you are"
Standing before him, the rope pulling on my cunt and nipples I fucked myself with the vibrator, the orgasm building deep inside me, coming at me in waves, threatening to overwhelm me, flowing through me .
I begged.
"Please Sir, may your slave be allowed to cum ?"
"Who do you come for slave"
"Please Sir may your slave be allowed to cum for you Sir ?"
"Are you sure its not for you slave, for your pleasure, this is not about you today?"
And with that I got to the point of no return,but i knew even like that tied, in pain, exposed and fucking myself , I knew if he said stop I would.
"Stand up straight and cum slave"
As I stood up straight the rope pulled on my cunt and nipples and even through the pegs were tight I felt them slipping slowly and excruciatingly painfully off the end of my nipples, and pulling on my cunt at the same time. They pulled off my nipples as I came and fell downwards, the weights attached to the rope pulling on my cunt as the orgasm ripped through me. I cried out and sobbed as the mix of pain and pleasure filled me.
As it subsided, I stood before him, my legs shaking, chest heaving, nipples sore and swollen, the blood rushing in. The rope was swinging form my cunt.
"You are beautiful slave, I love to see you give me your pain, to give me your submission. I love your obidence.Good girl"
And from deep inside me came the peace, the feelings of submission washed over me. It filled me, took over me and took away the pain.
"Take the pegs of baby, lie on the bed.
Slave you are beautiful, your submission is ht e best gift you can ever give me".
And there I lay. I knew parts of me hurt, I knew that I had pain in me. I knew my holes were still filled, but as I lay on the bed and wrapped myself in my blanket, his voice filled me, my submission completed me.
I was his.
I am.
Wednesday, 15 June 2011
Sunday, 12 June 2011
A submissive heap
He took a deep breath and so did I. He went away and thought about what I had said to him, and I sat and waited for him to talk to me.
He came back and told me that what i had said was wrong, that he wasn't like others who have passed through my life, he isn't like them.
I told him, at the time that he was, he wasn't listening so i said it again. he said no. i said yes...there was silence.
He started again telling me .........and so I interrupted him and told him that he had specifically told me that if he was going to do something that day he would tell me.....and he hadn't , he had just gone ahead and done it. Now I know he can do as he pleases, but i made it evidently clear to him that this is what he had said...and then there was more silence...lots of it.
"Sweet slave , I am sorry you felt like that , I am sorry you felt betrayed, I am sorry"
It takes a strong person to admit they made a mistake, it takes a strong person to say sorry.
The outcome of all of this was, that things are ok.
Again he has been busy and my life has been manic, but last night I waited in my tipsy state for him, and when he came he was laughing at me, at the text I had sent him, at the fact I had hiccups, he was just laughing g at me, and in a strange was it was just perfect, I shouldn't have gone out and been drinking , but my life here had taken precedence over our life for a while and i had gone with the flow and he thought it was funny, even though he had not said i could go. we talked for a while and then I went to sleep as he had to go back to work again.
This morning I woke up, without a sore head and happy to see him waiting there to talk to me.
Those first few sleepy moments, when you stretch like a cat and decide if opening your eyes is a good idea or if you will just steal another few moment of sleep...I heard him clear his throat and so woke up smiling.
We talked for a while about last night and why I had gone out and then he had me kneel for him, and close my eyes.
I began to wonder what was going to happen but waited quietly, but not still enough and was told to stay still and stop fidgeting, not to move....to close my eyes and empty my mind of everything apart from him.
So I took a deep breath, and waited, breathing slowly and tried hard to empty my mind of all the stuff that fills it day after day, the stuff that gets in our way, lists, chores, worries, other people, everything.
then he told me to imagine that I had walked into a room, that was all blue and hanging from the ceiling was a white rope with a noose on the end.
I have a vision of standing in front of the rope as he told me to put it on, and he said every time I thought of something else other than him, and his voice that the rope would tighten.
And so I focused on his voice, on what he was saying, listening carefully to every word, my eyes still closed, becoming more and more relaxed.
He told me to cup my breasts with my hands, to feel the bars through my nipples, that he placed there, that are my sign of his ownership of me, then to slowly run my hand down my body and begin to play very slowly and very gently with my cunt.
And as I listened to the voice, imagining that I was in that room with him, kneeling with the rope around my neck, playing with my cunt for his pleasure.........I felt the heat rising in my body, my need for him growing, as I begged to be allowed to cum for him, pleading with him. He told me to put my hand onto my throat and squeeze, to think of it as his hand and as hand closed around mt neck he growled,"Cum bitch" and I exploded. My whole body shaking, convulsing with desire, with longing for him, with the need to submit to him.
And I began to feel smile at him but the tears were once more flowing down my face , tears of happiness at the feelings that overwhelmed me, the feeling of submission...............and he laid me on the floor, opened my legs and made me cum again , this time fast and furious, painful from the stimulation and I lay on the floor open and exposed.
He told me to get my cover and get onto the bed and lay down, ad I struggled to keep my eyes open, but they would not stay open, I could hear his voice, I was aware of what was going on around me, but I was struggling to stay ...............and then slowly but surely I came back to him, and lay there in a happy submissive huddle just looking at him while he worked.....oh bliss
Happy happy slave
He came back and told me that what i had said was wrong, that he wasn't like others who have passed through my life, he isn't like them.
I told him, at the time that he was, he wasn't listening so i said it again. he said no. i said yes...there was silence.
He started again telling me .........and so I interrupted him and told him that he had specifically told me that if he was going to do something that day he would tell me.....and he hadn't , he had just gone ahead and done it. Now I know he can do as he pleases, but i made it evidently clear to him that this is what he had said...and then there was more silence...lots of it.
"Sweet slave , I am sorry you felt like that , I am sorry you felt betrayed, I am sorry"
It takes a strong person to admit they made a mistake, it takes a strong person to say sorry.
The outcome of all of this was, that things are ok.
Again he has been busy and my life has been manic, but last night I waited in my tipsy state for him, and when he came he was laughing at me, at the text I had sent him, at the fact I had hiccups, he was just laughing g at me, and in a strange was it was just perfect, I shouldn't have gone out and been drinking , but my life here had taken precedence over our life for a while and i had gone with the flow and he thought it was funny, even though he had not said i could go. we talked for a while and then I went to sleep as he had to go back to work again.
This morning I woke up, without a sore head and happy to see him waiting there to talk to me.
Those first few sleepy moments, when you stretch like a cat and decide if opening your eyes is a good idea or if you will just steal another few moment of sleep...I heard him clear his throat and so woke up smiling.
We talked for a while about last night and why I had gone out and then he had me kneel for him, and close my eyes.
I began to wonder what was going to happen but waited quietly, but not still enough and was told to stay still and stop fidgeting, not to move....to close my eyes and empty my mind of everything apart from him.
So I took a deep breath, and waited, breathing slowly and tried hard to empty my mind of all the stuff that fills it day after day, the stuff that gets in our way, lists, chores, worries, other people, everything.
then he told me to imagine that I had walked into a room, that was all blue and hanging from the ceiling was a white rope with a noose on the end.
I have a vision of standing in front of the rope as he told me to put it on, and he said every time I thought of something else other than him, and his voice that the rope would tighten.
And so I focused on his voice, on what he was saying, listening carefully to every word, my eyes still closed, becoming more and more relaxed.
He told me to cup my breasts with my hands, to feel the bars through my nipples, that he placed there, that are my sign of his ownership of me, then to slowly run my hand down my body and begin to play very slowly and very gently with my cunt.
And as I listened to the voice, imagining that I was in that room with him, kneeling with the rope around my neck, playing with my cunt for his pleasure.........I felt the heat rising in my body, my need for him growing, as I begged to be allowed to cum for him, pleading with him. He told me to put my hand onto my throat and squeeze, to think of it as his hand and as hand closed around mt neck he growled,"Cum bitch" and I exploded. My whole body shaking, convulsing with desire, with longing for him, with the need to submit to him.
And I began to feel smile at him but the tears were once more flowing down my face , tears of happiness at the feelings that overwhelmed me, the feeling of submission...............and he laid me on the floor, opened my legs and made me cum again , this time fast and furious, painful from the stimulation and I lay on the floor open and exposed.
He told me to get my cover and get onto the bed and lay down, ad I struggled to keep my eyes open, but they would not stay open, I could hear his voice, I was aware of what was going on around me, but I was struggling to stay ...............and then slowly but surely I came back to him, and lay there in a happy submissive huddle just looking at him while he worked.....oh bliss
Happy happy slave
Saturday, 11 June 2011
Friday, 10 June 2011
things are ok
Just to say things are ok, long long day, too tired,but its ok,......I am ok, we are ok.......sounds a bit like a verb
conjugation.
Sleep then type.
conjugation.
Sleep then type.
Thursday, 9 June 2011
I told him
Well...here goes....
I told him, I told him I was coming home, I told him and he was very happy, he was very happy to know I would be home with him.
And then he asked me when I found out and I told him...and there was an ear splitting silence over the airwaves.......complete........absolute.
"Why slave, why did you wait to tell me?"
And I just shrugged, because for the life of me I could not find the words to explain to him the myriad of feelings that have gone through my mind since I found out.
I tried to find the words to explain, and fumbled and mumbled until he sort of got an understanding.
He smiled at me, laughed gently and told me how happy he was.
I wanted to weep buckets, but I didn't.
Then things started to fall apart big time.
He was concerned that I was so tired, I have had a hard few days back at work and was just tired, extra work, extra pressure, just stuff and lots of nightmares and disturbed sleep. This is not new, but it is a bit worse at the moment. He has noticed that when he lessens the control they get worse, I sleep worse, its just not good.
We were talking, and I know I was looking worried, I know I was and he said, "Relax slave, its ok, we are are talking, nothing is going to happen"
Then he reassured me again, "I will say if we are going to do anything".
He asked me a few more questions, asked me how, on a scale of 1-8 I felt the level of control was at that moment.
My TENS unit goes 1-8
I told him it was 6, he asked me to clarify, which I did, and then he told me to get the unit and put it on my nipples and turn it on. I was shocked, he had said, he had ...but he just told me to do this out of the blue. It stayed there on 1, for a while and then he turned it up to 2, it hurt initially and then it was bearable.
Then it was turned up to 3 and it hurt, it fucking hurt, but more than the pain in my nipples and tits, it hurt me.
He told me to use my finger to play with myself. I was crying by now, I felt heart broken, I really did. I remember muttering under my breath, "You are just like the rest of them", but he didn't hear me, he just heard me crying and told me to turn it off. He talked to me for a while, I stopped crying, but I was so sad, I felt betrayed. I now had no words to say, nothing to tell him how I felt and so he sent me to bed, to sleep He stayed there. I know he stayed there because I peeped, and then I fell asleep.
He wasn't there when I woke at 2 am, or a 3am ,he wasn't there when I woke up crying at 4 am, but he was there when I woke at 5am and gave up trying to sleep. We talked. I was quiet, he was wondering, knowing I was hurting, but not why.
I went to work and pissed him off when I couldn't talk to him. In the end I wrote him and e mail, telling him how I had felt last night.
When he got it he called me, He is very upset by what I have said.
I told him I felt he had betrayed my trust, that last night I had felt he was "like the others ".
I know he can do what he likes, when he likes, how he likes. But he specifically said to me not to worry, that nothing would happen unless he told me it would and then it did.
He told me that he will talk to me later when he has calmed down and thought things through.I don't want to talk to him, i want to go to sleep without him i want him to leave me alone.
I know it may sound childish and naive, but that me , that's how I feel.
Today I hate him and yet I am so sad that I have hurt him.
I told him, I told him I was coming home, I told him and he was very happy, he was very happy to know I would be home with him.
And then he asked me when I found out and I told him...and there was an ear splitting silence over the airwaves.......complete........absolute.
"Why slave, why did you wait to tell me?"
And I just shrugged, because for the life of me I could not find the words to explain to him the myriad of feelings that have gone through my mind since I found out.
I tried to find the words to explain, and fumbled and mumbled until he sort of got an understanding.
He smiled at me, laughed gently and told me how happy he was.
I wanted to weep buckets, but I didn't.
Then things started to fall apart big time.
He was concerned that I was so tired, I have had a hard few days back at work and was just tired, extra work, extra pressure, just stuff and lots of nightmares and disturbed sleep. This is not new, but it is a bit worse at the moment. He has noticed that when he lessens the control they get worse, I sleep worse, its just not good.
We were talking, and I know I was looking worried, I know I was and he said, "Relax slave, its ok, we are are talking, nothing is going to happen"
Then he reassured me again, "I will say if we are going to do anything".
He asked me a few more questions, asked me how, on a scale of 1-8 I felt the level of control was at that moment.
My TENS unit goes 1-8
I told him it was 6, he asked me to clarify, which I did, and then he told me to get the unit and put it on my nipples and turn it on. I was shocked, he had said, he had ...but he just told me to do this out of the blue. It stayed there on 1, for a while and then he turned it up to 2, it hurt initially and then it was bearable.
Then it was turned up to 3 and it hurt, it fucking hurt, but more than the pain in my nipples and tits, it hurt me.
He told me to use my finger to play with myself. I was crying by now, I felt heart broken, I really did. I remember muttering under my breath, "You are just like the rest of them", but he didn't hear me, he just heard me crying and told me to turn it off. He talked to me for a while, I stopped crying, but I was so sad, I felt betrayed. I now had no words to say, nothing to tell him how I felt and so he sent me to bed, to sleep He stayed there. I know he stayed there because I peeped, and then I fell asleep.
He wasn't there when I woke at 2 am, or a 3am ,he wasn't there when I woke up crying at 4 am, but he was there when I woke at 5am and gave up trying to sleep. We talked. I was quiet, he was wondering, knowing I was hurting, but not why.
I went to work and pissed him off when I couldn't talk to him. In the end I wrote him and e mail, telling him how I had felt last night.
When he got it he called me, He is very upset by what I have said.
I told him I felt he had betrayed my trust, that last night I had felt he was "like the others ".
I know he can do what he likes, when he likes, how he likes. But he specifically said to me not to worry, that nothing would happen unless he told me it would and then it did.
He told me that he will talk to me later when he has calmed down and thought things through.I don't want to talk to him, i want to go to sleep without him i want him to leave me alone.
I know it may sound childish and naive, but that me , that's how I feel.
Today I hate him and yet I am so sad that I have hurt him.
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