Today we had a brief chat on msn
It was strange beyond strange. I didn't want to talk to him, but I wanted to know how he was. I didn't know what to call him, but I know had I been speaking I would have called him 'Sir' inadvertently. I can see by what he says he is hurting, and I wish he wasn't , but equally I hope he is hurting and his heart is ripping, thread by thread into a million little pieces.
Thankfully he didn't talk about the baby, the future or the past. We have a shared past, going back a long time, and we have no future together and for me that feels such a relief but inconceivable at the same time.
There are so many things spinning around in my head.............I want to shout at him , to see him looking at how angry I am. I want to stand in front of him and ask question after question until I hold every piece of information I possible can, and then I want time to mull it over and understand.
Mostly I just want to ask why.
He is away next week, and wants to talk to me, he says he wants to talk to me, that we need to talk.
I am not sure.