A blog from a woman on a journey of discovery.

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Sunday, 25 September 2011

pain that silences.....nearly

There are some real angry things I want to say, some things I need to get off my chest...but I am not sure that I  am ready to do them....so today I went and had a massage.Not one of those nice gentle one, where they sooth your soul.....more one that pounded very muscle I have, every achy muscle that has been worked over the last few day and I let feeling invigorated, lighter somehow.

My treat day continued, I went out with my camera, went out into the jungle, found wild orchids and got up close and personal, found some butterflies and stalked them. Searched in the undergrowth and managed to scare the smallest monitor lizard far away under the greenery. I saw the most beautiful iridescent blue kingfisher perched on a branch above a stream, but he flew away............................

I returned to civilization (?) and went to the market, found a few old ladies and took their photos, and it made me remember that people are nice, people can be honest.................and then I came home and fell asleep, the first time properly in days. I woke up an hour later and now here I am.

There is so much I want to say, so much I want to feel but at the moment I feel almost nothing and cannot find the words to say what I need to. I know they will come, but at the moment I feel my hurt is a gag, more powerful than anything he has.......and  I want to feel different.


  1. Your pics sound beautiful. Could you post some of them?

  2. The emotional numbness is the anesthesia that gets us through the surgeries of our lives. Be patient with yourself. Hugs!

    I too would love to see your work!

  3. i like your breed of therapy, lady. Good on you, not wallowing...i hope you take some measure of pride in your own strength.


  4. I'm glad you're taking care of yourself too. The feelings will do whatever they're going to do, and you can ride them then. But be kind to yourself.