Ripping my heart out and a box of tissues

Today is a very sad day for me.

One of those days where you feel your heart is being ripped from your body, one of those days where you can hardly speak because the pain that fills you, stops the message from the brain to your lips and you are unable to form coherent sentence or sometimes even words.

The sort of day when you hope no one will be too nice to you, because the simplest look of sympathy or understanding of how you feel is enough to send you over the edge.

One of those days where the easiest of things stops you like you have walked into a wall, where you find yourself standing unable to move because you cannot think what you were going to do because the sadness is overwhelming.

I found myself walking along with tears pouring from my eyes, unable to stop them.
I was filled with complete despair.

At lunchtime I looked at my phone and there was a message, not a big long complicated message, a simple message.

My slave x

That was all the words said.........but that is not what my heart heard.

It hasn't made the pain go away, it hasn't made the pain less, but it has made it bearable.

It will pass, it always does; but for the time being I am holding onto those words............... "My slave x" .

That and a big box of tissues.

My aching heart

This morning we were talking, about Christmas  and all things cold, about dresses that he likes me to wear, about when he took me to a casino and left me there playing on a machine and how there were several men wanting to talk to me, and how polite I was to them, flirting yet behaving.
He talked about how he watched me proudly, and enjoyed watching me because he knew I was his and would be going home with him.. How all he had to do was catch my eye and I would walk to his side.

He was saying nice things to me, kind, loving things.

He told me to lie down and put the cam on my face, so he could watch me as I made my self cum. He asked me to remember the last time we were together and touch myself like he touched me.

And I couldn't.

I just couldn't do it.

The tears started.
I wiped them away with the back of my hand, hoping he hadn't seen.

I tried again, thinking about how he had laid me on the bed and instructed me to open myself  for his inspection.

And the tears returned.

I just couldn't stop them.
It wasn't that I didn't want to do what he said, I was just so overwhelmingly sad. I miss him so much.
I couldn't bear it.

I turned away from him.

He called my name, asked what was wrong.

I couldn't say.

I had no words to explain how desolate I felt at that moment, and so I just looked at him, it was all I could do.

"Oh my slave. it is not for ever, you jut have to be brave. You are mine now and forever".
He talked..................And it felt like he had lifted my heart and wrapped his hands gently round it, caressing it, soothing my aching soul.

And he spoke loving kind words to me. I do not know what they were, but the thousands of miles drifted closer and closer until I felt we were as one.
And I fell asleep, as if I were in his arms.
My heart still aches for him.............