Missing

I just had a message from him to say that he has to work all day tomorrow and most likely he will be unavaialbe on Sunday too...sometimes this happens, sometimes it is just the way it is.

But I will miss him, miss him saying goodnight, making sure I go to sleep. I will miss hearing his voice, oh hell I will just miss him....but he will be back on Monday or Tuesday.

Oh sigh.

Maybe I will do something useful with my time.

In the corner of my heart

This morning I was awake before 5am...and the moment I stirred he was talking to me. I was out of bed and crawling to the toy box to get everything out. He had me get the TENS unit and the big vibrator and told me I could choose one more..........I didn't want to choose any of the rest...they are all ouchy one way or another and he said that I needed to get up earlier to give us time to talk, didn't look like talking was in his plan of action.I was miffed!

I didn't want to choose something ouchy...so I chose a rope. He had me tie the rope bra......I must admit, I wasn't very awake, and didn't do the world's best job, but I did it.

And then he had me ram the vibrator deep inside, turn it on full and sit and talk to him. And then make myself cum for him, after leaving me on the edge of the "cumming precipice" for about fifteen minutes until I was on the point of screaming...............almost unable to beg, just focusing on his voice and willing myself not to cum.

Time passes so quickly, it was time for me to shower..my computer crashes.............and in that moment I felt cut loose................lost..................scared.

Scared of what I don't know. I felt so alone.

Waiting for the connection seemed endless, finally it happened, but it was time for me to leave. I didn't want to go, I wanted to stay with him, my eyes filled with tears, my heart was heavy and I longed to be in his arms,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,but I had to go.

All day I have felt a sense of loss............I don't know  what it is I lost, but in those few moment, what ever it is...I lost it.

I am not sad, unhappy or down........it is a strange feeling.

I talked to him later........................but it lingers like a wisp of mist in the corner of my heart.

Oops a cancelled date.

Schedules and timetables, time difference and lives have been getting in our way. Today I was meant to come straight home , via the gym and be ready to talk to him, be ready to spend time with him, and at 9.07 am this morning I was told I had, yes HAD, to go out to dinner tonight with some visiting professor.

I know it was 9.07, coz I looked at my phone hoping he would still be awake. Knowing he would ask me when I knew, why I hadn't told him. I didn't ring in case he was asleep, but sent an email, explaining what was going on, why the short notice etc. My phone seemed to burn a whole in my pocket all day.

Has he woken up?

 Has he seen it?

 What does he think?

 Is he awake?

Has he read it?


Now, I am a very fortunate slave, who has an owner who reassures me on a regular basis that I must do nothing to put myself, my job or anything else in jeopardy to accommodate him.However, he does expect to be fully informed and in plenty of time. So I knew I would not be in trouble, would not be punished, but I also knew he would be "less than happy".


 And as soon as I thought he would be awake, I called...and he was  "less than happy", but does understand, doesn't want me to be rude and rush to leave, but wants his time with me. So tonight is going to be a late one. And his "less than happy"...hmmmmm

He will make a point, just to remind me that whilst I have all these reassurances, first and foremost in my mind, must always be...

Him.

 And now he is here.

briefly

He misses me...........

Reasons to be cheerful :

He misses me...yes he does...he told me.

He is proud of me...he told me that too.....he said he is proud of the way I am coping with being away, proud of what I am doing, proud that I am working hard to be a good slave when it is difficult.

He misses me...did I say that?

I have a long lazy weekend ahead of me, no real work to do and plenty of opportunirty to stay up late into the night , talking to him, being with him.

The sun is shinning.

There is a roast chicken in the fridge and I have manged to get some thick white fresh bread to have a big doorstep sandwich later.

I have a cup of cold diet coke in my hand.

By my shower is a new blade for my venus razor and a small treasured bottle of my favourite shampoo.

There is an email in my inbox from my sister.

He said I make him happy...and he misses me.

He said he will keep me forever.

* slave sitting with a big smile on her face and a heart full of happiness*

These are the simple things that made me smile today....sometimes I forget to think about them.

It needs to be a very long rope

Since I last managed to post on Saturday I have been one sickly slave. I am one of those people who is never ill, never sick and always disgustingly healthy. So being struck down with some revolting sickness bug has left me feeling pathetic and wondering how I got it. I am exposed in my work to so many germs, yucky things and coughing spluttering people depositing bodily fluids at will, that I have such a strong immune system that it surprises me when one tiny little bug gets though all those antibodies flowing through me. You have to be a big germ to bring down this slave.

I spent all day horizontal Saturday, and Sunday apart from a very rough 4 hour journey home on a bouncing rickety  bus through the jungle, where I clenched muscles I didn't know I have. Monday  I didn't move from my pit, not even to have a drink, Tuesday I managed a few hours at work before being sent home for looking too sick, Wednesday I was off  again and finally, today, I did a whole day. Having felt so bad, it never ceases to amaze me that I feel so good today; full of energy, buzzing at work and desperate to get home and have the opportunity to talk with him.

When I managed to be in contact with him, he was kind, thoughtful, asking how I felt, making sure I was looking after his property well enough. from all these thousands of miles away.  I felt more cared for, more concern directed at me, than I ever felt in my old vanilla relationships. He often tells me that he takes care of his property........and he does.

As soon as he felt I was well enough however, we were back to the old routines, feeling his control, him using his slave, ensuring I knew who was boss, and that I may have been ill, but first and foremost  I AM his slave.

I sleep with my feet tied, my hands tied to my feet in front of me and the end of the rope tied to the bed. If I need to get up I have to call or text or IM and ask for permission, although this time I was given an "open permission " to get up. How difficult I found it, dithering on the edge of the bed, wondering if I really needed to, or if I was just trying to make myself need to, because I had an opportunity  to make the decision for myself. And yet when he makes me choose something, I squirm and try to get out of it, until the count down begins and I know if he gets to zero, the choice will be his, and he usually chooses both options, plus an extra for being indecisive! That overwhelming need for control filled those moments in the dark hours of the night.

I miss his hand on the end of my rope; feeling the resistance if I move in the night, how he slowly lets it run through his fingers as I walk to the bathroom and how he seems to have some secret knowledge of just where to stop it so I am just short of the toilet. I miss his cruel chuckle as I beg for that extra six inches, and I even miss having to stand there for what seems like hours with my bladder seemingly contorting inside me. And I even miss the snide remark and the wicked smile on his face when I crawl back into bed beside him and thank him, and the laugh when he says"You're welcome slave".

 This is rapidly becoming one of those..."I miss....." posts so I am going to stop before I'm a gibbering heap of miserable, self pitying ineptitude in the corner.

I'm going to go outside, enjoy the warm breeze, the noises of the night and think about my return to the end of his rope.