Talking to his old slave............

Update from the hospital, he has to go back in for some more tests,  and is waiting for a call as to when to go, he told me he is the top of the list...which made my heart sink somewhat...but at least he IS top of the list......so fingers crossed that everything is ok.

Last night I talked to his old slave, she was his slave for a long time and before I was his, I talked to her a lot, I was given a lot of time to talk to her, and she was very good to me. She is a very generous woman; kind and gentle. Her life was very difficult; family things that she needed to sort out, that she felt couldn't be sorted out while she was a slave, so to cut a very long and complicated story short, he released her.
He still looks after her, and sees her from time to time, he has helped her with the family stuff and I know she will always love him. When I first met her, she knew I was her replacement, and yet she opened her heart to me, and looked after me, made sure that I was happy to be with him. She never told me how to behave, but she did tell me what to expect. She has spent some time with him this last week and she says that all he talks about with me, I told him was being insensitive and funnily enough he took it!

She, for the first time, tried to give me some advice last night. I didn't really want to talk about what had happened, because it is difficult to explain how things came about, what I said to him. and although I have tried to do it here, I know that this blog is somewhat "iceberg like" and only scrapes the surface at time, because I am worried that if I write it ALL down and then reread it I will have to face up to things and address them.

 Anyway........back to the advice............. I was allowed to talk to her last night and half way through the conversation, where I was skirting around things...this came

A: : take a bit of advice from a old slave?
slave: : ok
A: you're a slave
A: that i bet still thinks for her self
A): try not to think you're a slave
A: just be a slave
A: it sounds silly
A : but
A: you will see in time that you try to hard
A: its not a job
A: its life
A: we both looked for this

Well this bit of advice kept me awake most of the night. I have a lot of time for A, she is a good friend to me and when we are allowed to talk, it is lovely to be able to spend time with her, but her comment really got me thinking, I mulled it over and over in my head. I tried looking at it face on, I tried looking at it sideways, I even tried sneaking up from behind and looking at it...................and the more I thought about it, the more confused I became but also the more clear it was...sounds confusing?

I was, hence the sleepless night.

The problem is, well one of them is 90% of the time thinking for myself is what I have to do, while I am away, so there is the  one of the many dilemmas.........

So what I was wondering is...what do you think of the advice? (not the fact she gave it,) what do you understand by what she said?  Do you think it is possible? and if so ...how?
 I would be really grateful to get some feedback on this from you all. You have been kind and thoughtful since i began this blog and in the last few weeks I have been overwhelmed by your thoughtfulness, kindness and compassion...so any comments very gratefully received...and you can be anonymous and reply too!

Welcome home slave

He drove me back to the hotel and I waited in the car until he indicated that I was allowed to leave, the cold wind was biting as I walked towards the door which, like the gentleman he is, he held open for me. I could feel his breath on my neck as he walked behind me, and I fumbled with the key to open the door.
Once inside the room , I could feel him checking it out, he always accuses me of leaving a trail of belongings like flotsam on the beach. a slight "hmmm" was all he said, and I thought I had tried so hard to leave it tidy!

I stood  and waited....................and waited........................and waited.

 He sat in a chair and looked at me, I could just see the corner of his mouth curling up, smiling to himself. My heart was pounding, the memory of him forcing his fingers in my cunt under the table, his eyes on me.

"Strip"

So I removed my clothes, folded them and left them on the floor beside me.

"Kneel, slave"

I smiled, its the closest he gets to calling me anything, when he calls me slave ad it always fills me with happiness.

I knelt on the floor, the carpet soft under my knees, better than the hard wooden floor I have become so used to.

"Come to me slave."
 And so I crawled, naked, across the floor towards him, my eyes locked onto his, draw by our bond, by my longing to be able to touch him, to be near him.

I knelt between his legs, my hands on my lap, looking into his beautiful blue eyes and I was filled with such contentment, such overwhelming happiness and a sense of being "home".

His hands reached down to me; one on my back and the other in my hair, and he pulled me onto his lap.

His strong arms wrapped around me and he pulled me close to him I wrapped my arms round his neck and laid my head on his shoulder.

"Welcome home slave"

Humiliation , a cane and a cold shower.

Yesterday he sent me to go and buy a replacement rope for the ones I inadvertently left behind, so off I went, but it was at the end of a fifteen hour day, and I sort of was huffing and puffing about it, and then to be faced with the choice of 2, neither of which were like my own....I was not very happy...but I chose the smaller of the two as I didn't think I would be able to move in the other one.

When I spoke to him last night, he allowed me to tie my normal rope and then put it on, it was such a relief, and felt so lovely to have it there, and he didn't once mention why I had a new one.

He then announced that he would be using me for his pleasure, and he had a definite chuckle in his voice.
He told me it was not a punishment, just a gentle reminder, so one peg on my tongue, one on each each ear. one on each cunt lip and one on my stomach. I was then sent to face the wall and make sure the tongue peg was touching the wall.
I waited and waited there. I hate the drool, I really do, I hate the noise it makes when it falls on the floor, I hate the taste it leaves, the dryness in my mouth, the smell of drool is not nice, and I hate the whole humiliation feeling that floods over me when I am drooling.

I was then told to make myself cum without moving anything else other than my hand. But you know what its like when you do cum..... well my head moves and that fucking peg was banging against the wall and my tongue, and the drool was everywhere.
He made me remain there for another 10 minutes or so, until there was a big pool of drool which I and then  had to lick up. I  returned to him on my knees and I had to use my tongue to flick the peg around. the drool was going in all directions, and whilst moving the peg, and drool flicking all over my face and tits, over the floor and well, everywhere, I had to cum again.

Humiliation is one of those feeling that just sends me to that place where I just can't function, I felt full of it, it covered me like the drool; horrid, nasty, dirt, feeling lack of self, dehumanised.

By the time he had finished with me, my head was a mess, I couldn't think straight, could hardly speak,and found it so difficult to get myself ready for bed. It took me three attempts to tie my nighttime rope, I got tangled in the bed covers and almost cried because I couldn't sort them out, I couldn't set my alarm, I was a mess.
He stayed online talking to me, making sure I was ok, telling me what to do, talking to me like you would to a small lost child, which i guess is somewhat how I felt.
And in the night, each time I woke, and it was a lot, he was there, sending me back to sleep, telling me I was ok, that he was there. I felt so cared for.

This morning his silly mood continued, and he wanted to enjoy himself some more

I had  a peg on one ear, and then had to get the cane that he sent me here with. and balance it between my nose and upper lip, and recite the alphabet backwards, then count backwards from 100 without it falling off! easy peasy.

Then  I had to balance it on the bridge of my nose and repeat the recital.
I thought I was doing fine, until he said "Now stand up and make yourself cum, and don't let it fall off".

Oh dear oh dear.

 Standing up was easy, playing with my cunt was manageable...but cumming...off it went.
So I had to put a peg on each nipple and do it again...........

I managed to get to the cumming bit again, and it crashed to the floor!

I was not looking forward to cumming again, its no fun by yourself. But,as usual, he always manages to keep one step ahead of me and offered me a choice................. something nice now and horrid later or something horrid now and something nice later.

 Well I am the queen of deferred gratification, so I chose the second option.

 He said " go and get straight into the shower"................and I couldn't help it....the word "bastard" just slipped out.......

Was he cross? No he laughed, told me that he had heard me and agreed. I had to stay there in that freezing shower, and I hate it. But I stayed as told to, until he told me to make it warm, and then I didn't want to get out. I am not sure if that was the nice thing or not...but if so ...not much a good deal in my book.....but then I'm not the author

 My owner has always said that he knew it would be difficult while I was away, that both of us would find it hard, but with hard work, we would be okay, I would be okay.
And you know what? He is right....very right.

I feel his control, I feel submissive, i know I am his slave, he is still at the forefront of my thoughts when he should be, I feel loved and cared for...and oh boy has he worked hard to make me feel all these things...so

Even for the cold shower Sir.................thank you.