I was exhausted yesterday after a very sleepless night, and so was very glad when my owner sent me to bed without using me in any way. I think I may have fallen asleep mid usage...........which I don't think would have bee overly impressive. Luckily he knows me so well..so off to bed I went.
In the morning I woke early after a good nights sleep, and he was waiting for me, ready to pounce.
We talked as we normally do and then he started with the questions. He knows that when he asks me too many questions that sometimes I feel overloaded. Its not that I cant cope with the questions, its the answers I find difficult. Having to face some of those things we don't like to face is difficult. He also knows if he pushes me that sometimes I get pushed into a submissive place, and give him what he wants; he knows so well how to do it, which questions to ask, how to push my buttons.
So we had questions like "Tell me the thing you miss most when you are away, the thing I do to you" or "Tell me what is the first thing you would like me to do when you get back" and other things along a similar theme.
I thought about it before I answered...... What would be the first thing?
Would it be beat the stuffing out of me?
Tie me to a post and whip me till I beg for him to stop?
Would it be to go across his knee and be spanked until my arse was on fire?
NO........................ it was.................
The thing I want him to do most of all, first off.................. is to hold me.
And as for the thing I miss the most?
Its when he strokes mt hair, almost absentmindedly, when I am sitting at his feet, or lying in his arms.
*Few little tears here:( *
But then we moved on to the "Things you don't like" list.
By this stage I had moved outside, and was sitting having a nice cup of tea in a warm breeze, enjoying the cool of the early morning.
He has never been one for showing me in public, no public displays for humiliation or similar. So when he said to me "You can choose....to stand against the wall, to get the bowl or to play with the toy where you are now" I was sort of struck silent for a moment.
"Really?" I asked.
"Really"This was not a joke.................this was for real.
He never ceases to surprise me..........and so I pondered these things in my mind, well not so much pondered them .......rather juggled with them, tossing them in the air, trying to see which was the one that made me feel least exposed and vulnerable.
This was bearing in mind that I would be able to be seen if someone was looking in my direction...not like being on the main street, but if someone was up early and looked out of the window...... there I would be.
I was sent to get the vibrator, and once more in it went.............mmm nice!
But then he made me decide................such a difficult choice, but in the end I decided to choose the bowl, drinking out of a bowl on the floor.....this would normally be my least popular choice, but under the circumstances it was, I felt, the one with the least rick of being visible.
He told me to put the bowl on the floor and to get on my knees. He told me to position the computer so he could see me lapping from the bowl.
He told me to lap from the bowl like a puppy.
Then to look at him, to take three laps and look at him , and to repeat this until he told me to stop.
Somewhere along the line, I felt myself blushing, the red heat of embarrassment and shame creeping down my neck, the thought that someone else may see me............and then when I looked at him again.
"Now make yourself cum"
So on my knees,lapping from the bowl, looking at him from under the table, I came...............silently..............when what I wanted to do was vanish...but instead I put my head down and continued to lap.
He told me to sit back on the chair, to look at him, I wanted to stay under the table and wallow in my humiliation, to wrap it around myself and cry with shame, but he talked to me. Reminded me that it was not my fault, it was not my choice, it was my job to do as I was told, he told me he knew I didn't want to do it, but the need to submit was stronger than the fear of humiliation and exposure, he reminded me he had made me do it, that I was doing it to please him, that he was pleased with me.
I wanted to crawl onto his lap and be held, to feel his arms around me, to hear his voice, but I also wanted to be left alone....to be able to get my head around how I was feeling.
He could see how I was feeling and asked if i wanted to go...... after a while he let me go, he made me eat breakfast first, he called me two or three time during the day, and sent a couple of text to tell me he loves me, to tell me I was his girl, to make me "feel" those hugs......and now I am big submissive heap.
He is away for a few days working, with little chance to contact me...but its ok.....I am good.......he has "sent" me to a place where I am safe and content to wait until he comes back.
Showing posts with label submissive. Show all posts
Showing posts with label submissive. Show all posts
Sunday, 10 April 2011
Wednesday, 16 February 2011
Owned from the top of my head to the tip of my toes
Work was finally finished and after going out for a drink, where I was instructed that I was to sit quietly, not speaking unless I was spoken to, where I was not to raise my eyes other than when I was replying to him, and then I was only to look at him.
Where he made me describe in fine details how I had felt in the cupboard, to describe how it felt with my hand tied in my cunt, and what I had learnt.
By the time I had finished, my drink was barely touched, my face was bright red and my cunt was wet again.
He told me that when we returned to the room I was to strip and wait for him in the bathroom. I went up the stairs, opened the door, turned the heat up and quickly removed my clothes and put them away as my untidiness drives him mad;he notices even the slightest thing out of place.
I went into the bathroom, and sat on the edge of the bath. It felt cold on my arse, soothing almost where it was sore from his previous efforts. I stood and waited, I wandered round a bit, making things straight, folding and hanging towels again...and I waited.
I heard him open the door and enter the room, but the bathroom door stayed firmly closed. I heard the wardrobe door open and my heat sank a little, but it quickly closed again, followed soon after by his appearance in the doorway.
I was standing up, my hands by my side, unsure of what I was to do.
He lifted the bag he had retrieved from his case in the wardrobe and opened it. There was a large pair of scissors, a razor some shaving foam and a new bar of soap.
He has told me before at some point he will shave my head, that he will show me just how he controls every aspect of my life, including how I look to the outside world. I looked at his face, looked back at the items he was laying on the vanity...."You look like a startled rabbit my slave,You have always known this is a possibility".
This is something I have often thought of , and a part of me has wanted it, but the reality of it is something that has frightened me, worried me about how I explain it to others and I have voiced this to my owner and his response has always been "You only have to worry about what I think slave" and whilst I know this to be true, it is not an easy thing to accept.
"The thing you sometimes forget my slave, especially since you have been away is that I am still the person who controls you, your life. I own you, from the top of your head to the tip of your toes, and whatever it is I want to do, I can and will do"
And with those words he reached behind me and picked up my pony tail and pulled it upwards, slowly, very slowly, lifting it higher and higher, until my chin was on my chest and I was on the very tips of my toes...."You see from head to toe, slave, head to toe"
And he let go.
I stood very still, hoping that if I stood still I would disappear, that he wouldn't be able to see me, that he would become distracted and forget his intention.I felt his hand on my shoulder and he pushed me to my knees.
"Bend over slave," and with that he removed the butt plug that had been in there for what seemed like a lifetime.
Once more he grabbed the pony tail and with his foot on the back of my neck he pulled and twisted it, till tears fell onto the floor and I felt he would pull the scalp from my head. Removing his foot, he pulled me to my feet and stood me up again and picked up the scissors with the other hand.
"Take my cock in your mouth slave"
And with hands that were shaking so much I don't know how I managed to release his hard cock from his underwear and I placed my lips round it; leaving it in my mouth not sucking, not moving, and he pushed it in further, to the point just before it makes me gag.
This was the moment .....this was when it was going to start...this was a moment of such intense control, such a moment of submission that although I was not happy that i was going to loose my hair I began to float away...................he pushed his cock further in, making me gag, bringing me back................
"So my little naked kneeling slave, with her mouth full of her owners cock...what should we do..?
Well to that there really was no answer.
I expected to hear the snip of the scissors, to feel the release of his hand on my head, to see my hair fall to the floor.
Instead he pulled my mouth from his cock, pulled my hair from the pony tail, twisted his hand deep into my hair and twisted .
He turned me round and pushed me towards the bath........................
He lent me over the bath, so my head was almost at the bottom of the bath, pulled my legs open and rammed, as hard as he could, his cock into my cunt. This was the cunt that had had my hand in it for hours, the cunt that had been smacked, and hit with the crop, the cunt that had longed for him, for his cock, and he rammed it in, hard, over and over again, driving my hips into the edge of the bath, reaching forward and twisting my tits against the side of the bath, leaning on to them, to keep me still.
He pulled his cock back and as I expected it to ram again inside my dripping cunt, instead he pushed it slowly and relentlessly into my arse.
With three or four more thrust I felt him shoot his load inside me and remove his cock.
My cunt was desperate for more, wanted him, wanted to be filled with him, but not this time.
He reached over and pulled me gently up, sitting me on the side of the bath, kissing my reddened tits, slipping his hand towards my cunt and once more playing with, pinching my clit....
"You see slave, every inch, from head to toe and all the inches in between.....are mine."
And with that he turned on the shower, made it warm, picked me up , put me into the bath and then began to wash my hair; gently massaging my sore scalp, he washed my body, gently caressing me, lovingly touching me.
I sat on the edge of the bath with my legs wide open while he shave my cunt, finding those few stray hairs I had missed, rinsing the soap from me, by gently squeezing a towel over my sore and used cunt, then wrapping me in a towel, he brushed my hair, laid me on the bed and told me to sleep.
I have never felt so owned.
Where he made me describe in fine details how I had felt in the cupboard, to describe how it felt with my hand tied in my cunt, and what I had learnt.
By the time I had finished, my drink was barely touched, my face was bright red and my cunt was wet again.
He told me that when we returned to the room I was to strip and wait for him in the bathroom. I went up the stairs, opened the door, turned the heat up and quickly removed my clothes and put them away as my untidiness drives him mad;he notices even the slightest thing out of place.
I went into the bathroom, and sat on the edge of the bath. It felt cold on my arse, soothing almost where it was sore from his previous efforts. I stood and waited, I wandered round a bit, making things straight, folding and hanging towels again...and I waited.
I heard him open the door and enter the room, but the bathroom door stayed firmly closed. I heard the wardrobe door open and my heat sank a little, but it quickly closed again, followed soon after by his appearance in the doorway.
I was standing up, my hands by my side, unsure of what I was to do.
He lifted the bag he had retrieved from his case in the wardrobe and opened it. There was a large pair of scissors, a razor some shaving foam and a new bar of soap.
He has told me before at some point he will shave my head, that he will show me just how he controls every aspect of my life, including how I look to the outside world. I looked at his face, looked back at the items he was laying on the vanity...."You look like a startled rabbit my slave,You have always known this is a possibility".
This is something I have often thought of , and a part of me has wanted it, but the reality of it is something that has frightened me, worried me about how I explain it to others and I have voiced this to my owner and his response has always been "You only have to worry about what I think slave" and whilst I know this to be true, it is not an easy thing to accept.
"The thing you sometimes forget my slave, especially since you have been away is that I am still the person who controls you, your life. I own you, from the top of your head to the tip of your toes, and whatever it is I want to do, I can and will do"
And with those words he reached behind me and picked up my pony tail and pulled it upwards, slowly, very slowly, lifting it higher and higher, until my chin was on my chest and I was on the very tips of my toes...."You see from head to toe, slave, head to toe"
And he let go.
I stood very still, hoping that if I stood still I would disappear, that he wouldn't be able to see me, that he would become distracted and forget his intention.I felt his hand on my shoulder and he pushed me to my knees.
"Bend over slave," and with that he removed the butt plug that had been in there for what seemed like a lifetime.
Once more he grabbed the pony tail and with his foot on the back of my neck he pulled and twisted it, till tears fell onto the floor and I felt he would pull the scalp from my head. Removing his foot, he pulled me to my feet and stood me up again and picked up the scissors with the other hand.
"Take my cock in your mouth slave"
And with hands that were shaking so much I don't know how I managed to release his hard cock from his underwear and I placed my lips round it; leaving it in my mouth not sucking, not moving, and he pushed it in further, to the point just before it makes me gag.
This was the moment .....this was when it was going to start...this was a moment of such intense control, such a moment of submission that although I was not happy that i was going to loose my hair I began to float away...................he pushed his cock further in, making me gag, bringing me back................
"So my little naked kneeling slave, with her mouth full of her owners cock...what should we do..?
Well to that there really was no answer.
I expected to hear the snip of the scissors, to feel the release of his hand on my head, to see my hair fall to the floor.
Instead he pulled my mouth from his cock, pulled my hair from the pony tail, twisted his hand deep into my hair and twisted .
He turned me round and pushed me towards the bath........................
He lent me over the bath, so my head was almost at the bottom of the bath, pulled my legs open and rammed, as hard as he could, his cock into my cunt. This was the cunt that had had my hand in it for hours, the cunt that had been smacked, and hit with the crop, the cunt that had longed for him, for his cock, and he rammed it in, hard, over and over again, driving my hips into the edge of the bath, reaching forward and twisting my tits against the side of the bath, leaning on to them, to keep me still.
He pulled his cock back and as I expected it to ram again inside my dripping cunt, instead he pushed it slowly and relentlessly into my arse.
With three or four more thrust I felt him shoot his load inside me and remove his cock.
My cunt was desperate for more, wanted him, wanted to be filled with him, but not this time.
He reached over and pulled me gently up, sitting me on the side of the bath, kissing my reddened tits, slipping his hand towards my cunt and once more playing with, pinching my clit....
"You see slave, every inch, from head to toe and all the inches in between.....are mine."
And with that he turned on the shower, made it warm, picked me up , put me into the bath and then began to wash my hair; gently massaging my sore scalp, he washed my body, gently caressing me, lovingly touching me.
I sat on the edge of the bath with my legs wide open while he shave my cunt, finding those few stray hairs I had missed, rinsing the soap from me, by gently squeezing a towel over my sore and used cunt, then wrapping me in a towel, he brushed my hair, laid me on the bed and told me to sleep.
I have never felt so owned.
Thursday, 2 December 2010
No sleeping on the bed
He feels that my impending weekend away necessitates some reminder for me about control, a reminder of what I am.
Last night I was sent to be early with some ice cubes. Before he has melted them in my cunt, but this time he used them to chill my nipples bars.......................what kind of wicked mind thinks that? Does he not know how painful it is? Doesn't he..........?
Oh yes he does.
I waited for some more things from the list to be used, waited on my knees with my rope around my neck; once again tight enough to feel, but no more.
And pegs were on my ears to remind me to listen.
He reminded me that I have no rights, nothing is guaranteed. the only thing that is for sure in my life is that I am his slave.
Anything I am given can be taken away............anything.
My cup was taken away......................and now I am only allowed to lap from the plastic plate he has given me., with a reminder that that too can be taken.
I was placed once again, face down on the hard wooden floor, with the pegs on my half frozen nipples, arms behind my back, legs crossed and that hated hood on.
And he left me.
And he left me; I could hear nothing but the fan slowly moving the hot air around the room.
And I waited, and waited. Slowly my nipples thawed out and the pain set in. feeling the wooden floor pressing against my squashed nipples.
And I could feel my cunt clenching, becoming wetter despite myself.
Finally I heard him return and waited for him to speak. Time passed slowly...very slowly.
and then he talked again about what I am allowed, what I have a right to.
When he allowed me to remove the hood,I realised I had been lying on the floor for over an hour. I was so close to falling into that blissful floaty place, where I seem incapable of doing anything, yet will do anything he says. where I remember almost nothing, but images gradually float back into my mind, snatched phrases, feeling, sounds.
He did not want me to go there and so, a few choice words and I was back.
He had me complete my night time rituals, remove the pegs, get ready for bed...............and just as I was about to climb onto the bed....................STOP, NO BED.
And so last night I slept on the hard wood floor, my arms and feet bound as usual, a thin cover, one small pillow..........................and ......
I was grateful for all of, I slept like a baby, curled up, restricted by the rope, or opened out with my hands over my head and my legs like a frog...........feeling open, exposed, submissive, oh so submissive and very happy.
And tonight he has more plans.
Last night I was sent to be early with some ice cubes. Before he has melted them in my cunt, but this time he used them to chill my nipples bars.......................what kind of wicked mind thinks that? Does he not know how painful it is? Doesn't he..........?
Oh yes he does.
I waited for some more things from the list to be used, waited on my knees with my rope around my neck; once again tight enough to feel, but no more.
And pegs were on my ears to remind me to listen.
He reminded me that I have no rights, nothing is guaranteed. the only thing that is for sure in my life is that I am his slave.
Anything I am given can be taken away............anything.
My cup was taken away......................and now I am only allowed to lap from the plastic plate he has given me., with a reminder that that too can be taken.
I was placed once again, face down on the hard wooden floor, with the pegs on my half frozen nipples, arms behind my back, legs crossed and that hated hood on.
And he left me.
And he left me; I could hear nothing but the fan slowly moving the hot air around the room.
And I waited, and waited. Slowly my nipples thawed out and the pain set in. feeling the wooden floor pressing against my squashed nipples.
And I could feel my cunt clenching, becoming wetter despite myself.
Finally I heard him return and waited for him to speak. Time passed slowly...very slowly.
and then he talked again about what I am allowed, what I have a right to.
When he allowed me to remove the hood,I realised I had been lying on the floor for over an hour. I was so close to falling into that blissful floaty place, where I seem incapable of doing anything, yet will do anything he says. where I remember almost nothing, but images gradually float back into my mind, snatched phrases, feeling, sounds.
He did not want me to go there and so, a few choice words and I was back.
He had me complete my night time rituals, remove the pegs, get ready for bed...............and just as I was about to climb onto the bed....................STOP, NO BED.
And so last night I slept on the hard wood floor, my arms and feet bound as usual, a thin cover, one small pillow..........................and ......
I was grateful for all of, I slept like a baby, curled up, restricted by the rope, or opened out with my hands over my head and my legs like a frog...........feeling open, exposed, submissive, oh so submissive and very happy.
And tonight he has more plans.
Friday, 26 November 2010
This morning we talked again.
He made me look at him, in the eye. After all this time, does he not know how hard I find it? Of course he does, that's why he did it I guess.
Its so hard to hold his gaze, I desperately wanted to do as he says, to obey, yet my heart quaked beneath his piercing eyes, my submissive soul quivered under his domination.
I tried to do it, but no matter how hard, I found myself lowering my eyes.
He did not get cross. I heard him clear his throat. I looked up.
I looked again. It was like a battle inside my head.
Obey, obey, obey.
Submissive feeling don't look, submissive feelings don't look.
Obey won.
Then there was the thoughtful 'hmmmmmmmmmmmmm".
He told me I looked lost, like a small girl, unsure. without direction....................
And tonight he is going to solve this.
He has a plan.
I know what his plans include.
It includes lots and lots of questions, probing, searching deep within my heart. I feel like my brain is turned inside out , examined and put back together the way he wants, the way he likes, the way that is right.
It includes measured control; every moment, every breath, every word.
It includes pain. It is not the pain, it is the control that comes with it.
It includes openness, honesty, truth.
It includes humiliation.
It includes trust, total trust; unquestioning belief in what he does is what is good for me , what is right.
It is submission.
I am his slave.
He made me look at him, in the eye. After all this time, does he not know how hard I find it? Of course he does, that's why he did it I guess.
Its so hard to hold his gaze, I desperately wanted to do as he says, to obey, yet my heart quaked beneath his piercing eyes, my submissive soul quivered under his domination.
I tried to do it, but no matter how hard, I found myself lowering my eyes.
He did not get cross. I heard him clear his throat. I looked up.
I looked again. It was like a battle inside my head.
Obey, obey, obey.
Submissive feeling don't look, submissive feelings don't look.
Obey won.
Then there was the thoughtful 'hmmmmmmmmmmmmm".
He told me I looked lost, like a small girl, unsure. without direction....................
And tonight he is going to solve this.
He has a plan.
I know what his plans include.
It includes lots and lots of questions, probing, searching deep within my heart. I feel like my brain is turned inside out , examined and put back together the way he wants, the way he likes, the way that is right.
It includes measured control; every moment, every breath, every word.
It includes pain. It is not the pain, it is the control that comes with it.
It includes openness, honesty, truth.
It includes humiliation.
It includes trust, total trust; unquestioning belief in what he does is what is good for me , what is right.
It is submission.
I am his slave.
Saturday, 30 October 2010
No more lurking
Love your Lurkers day finally made me do it :finally, begin a blog. So firstly, please excuse the layout of the blog as I tinker with it, procrastinate, change my mind and find my way around.
So where to start.............do I write about how I have been a slave for a year? or how in my heart I have always been submissive? Do I write about the life I have lead so far? or the one that lays before me? or do I stop asking rhetorical questions and just get on with it?
I will hold up my hand and say....I have lurked for a couple of years........I have commented occasionally (EH) when posts I have read have moved me, and I have been overcome with the need to have my say. Now I wonder what has changed, that has finally moved me to take finger to keyboard (it doesn't have the same ring to it as "pen to paper"...but you know what I mean) to open myself up, open to question , to comment, to discussion? I think maybe my owner's relentless questioning and probing has finally got to me. So today, is the first day, the first time I lay myself open to whoever chooses to read what will follow.
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