Not just to open my mouth and let anything fall out

Oh I was so tempted when he spoke to me last night ....oh so tempted when he asked me ",,,,,,,,so my little slave, what do you have to say for yourself?"....to say "Nothing Sir".

Well, I was a little tempted, just in my head, the thoughts had been running through my head for hours...but of course I didn't...I just smiled at him and said hello and asked how he was. He smiled back and said that he was well, that he had been busy, that he had missed me and had wondered how I was.

 Where upon......I burst into flood of tears...telling him how sorry I was, how i would try not to be sarcastic again, how I would be more respectful, how I hated being alone, lonely, without him, unable to talk to him. I sobbed and sniffed and smiled pathetically through more promises to be good, I begged him to please please not ignore me again.
He listened, without reaction, until I had finished, and then very calmly and carefully he explained to me why I had been punished, how he hoped that I had learnt my lesson. He talked to me until I was calm, focused on what he was saying, and then he said "Oh slave, I wish I could hold you now, I wish you were here with me" And i started to cry again.

But this time it was not great big sobs, but long tears running down my face, silently aching inside to feel my owners hand on mine. To feel him stroking my hair, to feel safe within his arms.

He let me cry for a while, then sent me to wash my face, make a drink, get my blanket and curl up on the bed to talk to him.

We talked about mundane stuff, about the house, about family members and then he said something that made all the pain from the last few days just fade into nothing.
"you know slave, it was hard for me too, I missed you, you were in my thoughts, I wondered how you were coping with everything.....my little slave I DID miss you, please don't do it again".

And it was those words; knowing that he missed me enough to tell me, that it was because of my behaviour, because of how I spoke to him that I was punished, but the thing that affected me most, was that my behaviour had a direct impact on how he felt, and that although I was the one being punished, he too had to be deprived of something he wanted.

And in my heart I know just how hard I will try to be better, to be more respectful, to think more carefully before I speak, not just to open my mouth and let anything fall out...there are no guarantees but I will try.

And I have hidden all the pegs!

Rudeness will always be punished

I threw a big hissy fit yesterday.

I behaved like a child and I am sorry.

He asked me to do something, it wasn't difficult, it wasn't something that I haven't done before, but doing it was going to be difficult because of other calls on me and my time.
He knew that, but he told me to do it.
I was rude and grumpy, I sulked and glowered at him over the miles.
He sent me away.
I sent him an email telling him he was being unfair, how he was making me feel and why.

I was there when he told me to be, not happily, pleased to see him, pleased to have time with him, but sulking and rude and stressed.

He sent me away

I came back later when he had told me to, and I was still grumpy and off hand.

He asked me to explain and I did.

He told me that I should have trusted him, he was not going to do what I has feared, all he had wanted was to say hello. he was not going to compromise my safety, my position, nor did he have any desire to make me stressed about it, I should have trusted him.

I was so angry. I was angry with him. I was angry with the world. I was angry with myself. I was just angry.

I was wrong.

I was punished......not for being angry.....but for being rude.

I was given a lesson on trust.

I was punished again.

And as the clock changed to midnight I was doing what I should do.
I was gagged, hooded, plugged, the toy deep inside me, tied so it and I, could not move.
The only thing I could hear was his voice, the only thing I thought about was him.

Then he told me off, harsh words, words slaves do not like, words that burn into my heart; "Let down, disappointed, expected more, you should know, bad behaviour," and all spoken softly with calmness and thought.
And I was filled with shame at my behaviour and my lack of trust and not realising that he does know best, he does always have my interest at heart, and most of all shame at my lack of submission.

I could not look at him, I wished he had been able to beat me, but the pain I felt was more than any beating, each word leaving a mark on me more painful than any cane, each phrase biting more than any strike of the whip.

I wanted to crawl to him and beg his forgiveness, but all I could do was beg.
He talked, I cried. he talked I cried more.

He sent me for a shower and a hot drink, and when I returned his greeting "My slave, my love, my sweet" filled me with a tearful sadness and with happiness.
And I curled up on the floor with my blanket and drifted off to sleep.

When I woke this morning , I had a message...." Happy New Year my slave"

I am sorry Sir.