We have had a difficult few days, my heart belongs to him, as does the rest of me, but I am pulled in different directions by family and fiends. I need to see them to and he knows this, he knows I need to and he wants me to, but he wants me to be with him too.
He sends me off to see them, giving me a free rein, but then gets snappy when I don't send him text, or call to let him know whats going on.
Its always difficult, this telling him. half of me likes it, the control, his need to be in charge, his concern that I am ok, and yet still the other half of me whats to tell him that I am more than capable to look after myself, plan a route, know where I am going, to be bale to change my plans and "go with the flow".
Sometimes I hate having to text him when things change. Its not as if he wants to really change things himslef, he just wnts to be kept "in the picture". So we have a had a few days where he has been frustrated to say the least, lack of coverage from mobile phone where I am is adding to it.
He has put his foot down and we are going away for a week, just the two of us to some remote cottage somewhere, we leave tomorrow......I love my friends and family, but I see his point; just him and me...we him and me and the box of tricks............
Friday, 22 July 2011
Tuesday, 19 July 2011
lying in his arms
There is nothing better...apart from being at his feet, knowing I have made him happy.
In oh so many ways...................I am home.
In oh so many ways...................I am home.
Monday, 18 July 2011
arrived
jet lag...............ergh...will be human in a day or two and will post. Thank you for your good wishes for a safe journey. we nearly ran out of runway on take off only about 50 feet to spare....makes life interesting :)
Wednesday, 13 July 2011
How do I........?......Chocolate fantasy.....drool
Reading Florida Dom's post the other day (http://floridadomscorner.blogspot.com/2011/07/belated-birthday.html) reminded me that sometime ago I read a similar post about bloggers disappearing and how to leave post dated posts when you are away, or to let people know you are ok.
I am off home in a few days and would like to leave a post, but for the life of me I cannot remember who posted this very useful post...if it was you...please can you tell me, or if you remember who it was, please can you point me in the right direction and then I can avail myself of this service:)
If for some reason I don't get any advice, or a shove in the right direction, which I can't imagine happening here in blogland, then after Thursdays post there may be a few days without posting due to traveling on a metaphorical slow boat from China, jet lag and a welcome home from my lovely family, friends and owner, although not in that order.
And my hands may be full of ......English chocolate, Nando chicken, tasty Grannery bread with English butter, strawberries fresh from the garden, a glass of wine, a bacon sandwich in thick white bread, Cadbury's chocolate buttons and a very crisp English apple...oh yum.
Must stop salivating and think about how to do a post dated post...all advice gratefully received...mmmmm Galaxy chocolate....droool
I am off home in a few days and would like to leave a post, but for the life of me I cannot remember who posted this very useful post...if it was you...please can you tell me, or if you remember who it was, please can you point me in the right direction and then I can avail myself of this service:)
If for some reason I don't get any advice, or a shove in the right direction, which I can't imagine happening here in blogland, then after Thursdays post there may be a few days without posting due to traveling on a metaphorical slow boat from China, jet lag and a welcome home from my lovely family, friends and owner, although not in that order.
And my hands may be full of ......English chocolate, Nando chicken, tasty Grannery bread with English butter, strawberries fresh from the garden, a glass of wine, a bacon sandwich in thick white bread, Cadbury's chocolate buttons and a very crisp English apple...oh yum.
Must stop salivating and think about how to do a post dated post...all advice gratefully received...mmmmm Galaxy chocolate....droool
Tuesday, 12 July 2011
It is not a good idea to tell your owner that he is harrassing you
The last few days have been filled with frustration. My passport has gone" walk about". I have been promised it will be back when I need it, but I am beginning to get a little anxious, well more than a little anxious, in fact, I am chomping at the bit. I have not got to the stamping my foot bit yet, but will be there soon.
Then my back account has had something funny (as in peculiar, most definitely not amusing) happen to it, and I cannot get any money out unless I present myself to the bank with my ID card and my Passport(see above)...so life is a little trying at present.
Add to that communication has been difficult with my owner, My laptop has been in for repair and so I have have had to rely on my phone, which would have been fine, except I broke my old one and bought a new one, which is an Android phone. Anyone over 40 should not be given a new phone and be expected to be able to use it within the next week...OMG...its driving me crazy.
My owner has got very frustrated, I have missed calls, missed phone dates etc etc. I was given a big lecture about being there when I was told to be.
I told him that he was harassing me...oh dear that did not go down well at all...he was not impressed, at all, in fact I was punished for being rude, being late and generally just being arsy.
I had to stand on tiptoe, facing the wall, with my nipples pegged and keep the sim card from my phone pressed to the wall with my nose, and after thirty minutes of this I was allowed to stop.
Thinking it was over, I started to ask to be allowed to say that I was sorry when he had me peg my mouth together. Not just one peg, but six pegs. I hate this more than just about anything, and then I had to put the hood on. I was left to think about my behaviour for a while and then he began to give me instructions.
"Bend over and hold your ankles"
"Do star jumps"
"Touch your toes"
More and more instruction followed...from the ridiculous to the demanding to painful and humiliating.
On and on it went, for hours, on and off. he would stop and start again, pegs on, pegs off, hood on, hood off,...until he asked...
"Do you feel harassed yet slave? "
I didn't know what to answer.
""You are not harassed slave, I tell you to do something and you do it, that is how it is, If I want to phone you every five minutes all night then I can. I would not because it is not in your best interests, but I can, and I would expect you to answer the phone, politely each time. I was trying to get hold of you, I was waiting around for you to respond. That is NOT how it should be. You will not keep me waiting again, without a very good reason, and I expect you to tell me if ANY of your plans have to be changes. Do you understand?"
I was ashamed of how I had been behaving. Instead of talking to him and telling him what was going wrong and how I was feeling, I thought that as there was nothing he could do, I would just get on with it and then lashed out at him when it all went more wrong.
"Go to bed and think about what you have done, and what you should have done, I want an email by 9am telling me what you think. Sleep well slave, remember love you and that I always want what is best for you. When I have read your email I will talk to you. Goodnight "
And with that i was sent to bed. I cried a little, fumed a little and fell asleep thinking about what to write. I woke early the next morning and wrote him a short email about what I thought, and with my finger hovering over th esend button, I closed my eyes and pressed it.
I waited and very soon he signed into speak to me.
One word popped up.
"Finished"
I did not know what it meant...had he finished reading it...what?
He turned the camera on...
"He was smiling at me....."Its finished slave, done with, good girl "
OH sigh, I felt so much better.
He was right, I should have told him, should have given him the opportunity to have his say, offer his advice and opinion, it is not my choice to decide which bits of my life I include him in, all of my life is his.
I am his.
Then my back account has had something funny (as in peculiar, most definitely not amusing) happen to it, and I cannot get any money out unless I present myself to the bank with my ID card and my Passport(see above)...so life is a little trying at present.
Add to that communication has been difficult with my owner, My laptop has been in for repair and so I have have had to rely on my phone, which would have been fine, except I broke my old one and bought a new one, which is an Android phone. Anyone over 40 should not be given a new phone and be expected to be able to use it within the next week...OMG...its driving me crazy.
My owner has got very frustrated, I have missed calls, missed phone dates etc etc. I was given a big lecture about being there when I was told to be.
I told him that he was harassing me...oh dear that did not go down well at all...he was not impressed, at all, in fact I was punished for being rude, being late and generally just being arsy.
I had to stand on tiptoe, facing the wall, with my nipples pegged and keep the sim card from my phone pressed to the wall with my nose, and after thirty minutes of this I was allowed to stop.
Thinking it was over, I started to ask to be allowed to say that I was sorry when he had me peg my mouth together. Not just one peg, but six pegs. I hate this more than just about anything, and then I had to put the hood on. I was left to think about my behaviour for a while and then he began to give me instructions.
"Bend over and hold your ankles"
"Do star jumps"
"Touch your toes"
More and more instruction followed...from the ridiculous to the demanding to painful and humiliating.
On and on it went, for hours, on and off. he would stop and start again, pegs on, pegs off, hood on, hood off,...until he asked...
"Do you feel harassed yet slave? "
I didn't know what to answer.
""You are not harassed slave, I tell you to do something and you do it, that is how it is, If I want to phone you every five minutes all night then I can. I would not because it is not in your best interests, but I can, and I would expect you to answer the phone, politely each time. I was trying to get hold of you, I was waiting around for you to respond. That is NOT how it should be. You will not keep me waiting again, without a very good reason, and I expect you to tell me if ANY of your plans have to be changes. Do you understand?"
I was ashamed of how I had been behaving. Instead of talking to him and telling him what was going wrong and how I was feeling, I thought that as there was nothing he could do, I would just get on with it and then lashed out at him when it all went more wrong.
"Go to bed and think about what you have done, and what you should have done, I want an email by 9am telling me what you think. Sleep well slave, remember love you and that I always want what is best for you. When I have read your email I will talk to you. Goodnight "
And with that i was sent to bed. I cried a little, fumed a little and fell asleep thinking about what to write. I woke early the next morning and wrote him a short email about what I thought, and with my finger hovering over th esend button, I closed my eyes and pressed it.
I waited and very soon he signed into speak to me.
One word popped up.
"Finished"
I did not know what it meant...had he finished reading it...what?
He turned the camera on...
"He was smiling at me....."Its finished slave, done with, good girl "
OH sigh, I felt so much better.
He was right, I should have told him, should have given him the opportunity to have his say, offer his advice and opinion, it is not my choice to decide which bits of my life I include him in, all of my life is his.
I am his.
Sunday, 10 July 2011
Back on track
Well, where to start?
There has been little or nothing to write about. Work has been flat out, trying to get ready before I leave, added onto that some extra stuff that I can't even mention so things have been pretty chaotic.
My owner has been very busy too, so we have had snatched phone call, midnight text and half mumbled calls as he or i fall asleep.
The problem with the friend has been resolved, but it really upset me , and he looked after me so carefully, making sure I was ok, able to cope with the added stress of it all at a very busy time, but realizing that I needed more control from him to put me back in a place where things felt more normal, yet knowing that he would have to tread carefully at the same time, so as not to overload me. he is very intuitive, that and he knows me so very well, he knows when to come down hard, when he ease off, when to just listen t me, and when to tell me to stop crying!
The resolution with the friend was relatively quick, she apologized and I forgave her, I am not one to hold a grudge, at all. However, I have found that it has really shaken me, it has made me realise how vulnerable you are when you trust someone, how easy it is to get very badly hurt and be made to doubt your own judgement. In life this has happened before , and i resolved I would never be trusting again, but some of us, are, by nature, just like that. After ranting on about how I would never trust anyone, how i would be hard like all the other bastard around me etc etc etc, I remained that way for about 36 hours, then i was back to my normal self!...Back to normal....just a little more wary!
He has promised me a lone "playtime" before I leave, I know he is planning to use me hard, to get me to think, to get back in the right frame of mind to be with him,it will probably be tomorrow all things being equal.
Am I looking forward to it?
No
Do I need it?
Yes.
Tonight he is planning something too, but I am not sure what, I will have to wait and see.
There has been little or nothing to write about. Work has been flat out, trying to get ready before I leave, added onto that some extra stuff that I can't even mention so things have been pretty chaotic.
My owner has been very busy too, so we have had snatched phone call, midnight text and half mumbled calls as he or i fall asleep.
The problem with the friend has been resolved, but it really upset me , and he looked after me so carefully, making sure I was ok, able to cope with the added stress of it all at a very busy time, but realizing that I needed more control from him to put me back in a place where things felt more normal, yet knowing that he would have to tread carefully at the same time, so as not to overload me. he is very intuitive, that and he knows me so very well, he knows when to come down hard, when he ease off, when to just listen t me, and when to tell me to stop crying!
The resolution with the friend was relatively quick, she apologized and I forgave her, I am not one to hold a grudge, at all. However, I have found that it has really shaken me, it has made me realise how vulnerable you are when you trust someone, how easy it is to get very badly hurt and be made to doubt your own judgement. In life this has happened before , and i resolved I would never be trusting again, but some of us, are, by nature, just like that. After ranting on about how I would never trust anyone, how i would be hard like all the other bastard around me etc etc etc, I remained that way for about 36 hours, then i was back to my normal self!...Back to normal....just a little more wary!
He has promised me a lone "playtime" before I leave, I know he is planning to use me hard, to get me to think, to get back in the right frame of mind to be with him,it will probably be tomorrow all things being equal.
Am I looking forward to it?
No
Do I need it?
Yes.
Tonight he is planning something too, but I am not sure what, I will have to wait and see.
Saturday, 9 July 2011
busy again
Things are busy, will write later and replry to commetns too....and get to read other thing:)
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