Where I live in the land of "far way" there are no seasons, I live so close to the equator, that the only difference in the temperature is between day and night and then that doesn't differ too much, but for some reason in my head I feel like Spring.
I have a need to decorate, move furniture and generally clear things out. I feel like a new beginning. I have cleaned up my computer, I have cleaned up paperwork, scrubbed walking boots,moved out the weevils that were living in my pasta, cleaned my car out, written letters, sent postcards, paid bills, done some online shopping for Christmas and I have typed but not sent the email to Him
An email telling him that I will not be meeting him in March to try to reconcile things, that I don't want to, that I think it is wrong to try, that my feelings have changed. I told him that I will always love him, and I will, but its not the same and it never will be. I don't want to tell him how I feel, or what I am thinking, I don't want him to know, I don't want to let him see those bits of me that he wants to see, I am in control of that now and it is mine, so things have changed. I am just sitting on it for a few days to make sure what I have written is what I truly feel, and that it is not written in anger and that what I am saying is what he will read, and then it is done.
And as for those cards that were laid out on the table?
Apart from working hard again this week, that is what I have done most of, considered those cards and the implications of making the decision to pick them up. I thought about what people have said to me as comment in response to my post. I have thought about what it will mean for me, and I have decided that more than anything I need to do what is best for me, what feels right for me at this moment.
I am a great believer in that when you make a decision it is the right one for you at that time, and it is right because we make decisions based on "at that time" , and having made it, it must be right. If it later turns out not to be right that is usually because our responce to what we thought would be is different...I know what I mean even if I cant explain it here very well......but I have made the decision, and
I have decided to take him up on his offer. And this is why it feels Spring like...it is new, a new start, a new beginning and I will have to wait and be patient and see what unfolds.
So today I sent him an email thanking him for his offer, and telling him of my decision, and so now I just am sitting here waiting to hear from him, and my heart is beating fast!