Oh I was so tempted when he spoke to me last night ....oh so tempted when he asked me ",,,,,,,,so my little slave, what do you have to say for yourself?"....to say "Nothing Sir".
Well, I was a little tempted, just in my head, the thoughts had been running through my head for hours...but of course I didn't...I just smiled at him and said hello and asked how he was. He smiled back and said that he was well, that he had been busy, that he had missed me and had wondered how I was.
Where upon......I burst into flood of tears...telling him how sorry I was, how i would try not to be sarcastic again, how I would be more respectful, how I hated being alone, lonely, without him, unable to talk to him. I sobbed and sniffed and smiled pathetically through more promises to be good, I begged him to please please not ignore me again.
He listened, without reaction, until I had finished, and then very calmly and carefully he explained to me why I had been punished, how he hoped that I had learnt my lesson. He talked to me until I was calm, focused on what he was saying, and then he said "Oh slave, I wish I could hold you now, I wish you were here with me" And i started to cry again.
But this time it was not great big sobs, but long tears running down my face, silently aching inside to feel my owners hand on mine. To feel him stroking my hair, to feel safe within his arms.
He let me cry for a while, then sent me to wash my face, make a drink, get my blanket and curl up on the bed to talk to him.
We talked about mundane stuff, about the house, about family members and then he said something that made all the pain from the last few days just fade into nothing.
"you know slave, it was hard for me too, I missed you, you were in my thoughts, I wondered how you were coping with everything.....my little slave I DID miss you, please don't do it again".
And it was those words; knowing that he missed me enough to tell me, that it was because of my behaviour, because of how I spoke to him that I was punished, but the thing that affected me most, was that my behaviour had a direct impact on how he felt, and that although I was the one being punished, he too had to be deprived of something he wanted.
And in my heart I know just how hard I will try to be better, to be more respectful, to think more carefully before I speak, not just to open my mouth and let anything fall out...there are no guarantees but I will try.
And I have hidden all the pegs!