A basket of snakes

There are times when spending time with me must be like having a basket of snakes...you never know when you lift the lid if they will all be asleep , or one will leap forward and spit at you!

Part of the problem is that I am having real difficulties sleeping...some nights it takes me hours to go to sleep, but usually that is when he is not around to "send me to bed", and then I can lie awake for hours, tossing and turning, thinking of things, running through my day, planning the next day, making endless mental lists, thinking of those things that only appear in the night to just knock the edge off sleepiness....but for me the real problem is staying asleep. I can go to sleep and then fall asleep forty minutes later..........my mind wide awake....................and bits of my body fast asleep still, and other bits ready to get out of bed and it drives me crazy....but worse than that is at the moment I am plagued by nightmares.........things from the past coming back to haunt me, things from the present raising their ugly head and then some really weird and abstract things that make no sense at all....... and they wake me up...sometimes with a start.........sitting bold upright in bed, sometimes fearful and sometime with a "what the hell?" thought, other times calling out, or crying.
This is not new...but it has become worse in recent moths, getting more intense since I came back .........if he is there , he is the first thing I look for, the reassurance he gives me, how he calms me, talks to me , makes me feel safe.............and when he is not, finding peace is much harder, but I do go back to sleep, fitful sleep, almost afraid to sleep in case the dreams start again...some times they do, but sometimes they don't.

The point of all of this is .......I am tired, grumpy, tearful, emotional and a bit like a bear with a sore head......or like a snake in a basket.

Last night I made a comment about...."Jumping up and down and waving my knickers in the air"...and so when I went to bed, he told me that that was what he wanted me to do.......except I had no knickers and so he said to wave my bra whilst singing "She'll be comin round the mountain..."

I had had a tough day, and a long disturbed night and I was not happy, but I was trying I really was, and then he said that , and I could feel the tears welling up before I even stood up............and I am so tired of crying...........I'm sick of hearing myself cry, tired of snot and tears...and I threw the bra on the floor, took of my rope from round my neck and threw it onto the floor (something I have never done and never ever thought would ever happen ) and sobbed...."I don't want to do this any more, I can't do this any more. I can't do it"  and I moved out of view of the camera and stood sobbing...................

I was immediately ashamed of how I was behaving and stood in the room,unable to make my self go back and face him............he called me and told me to get back in front of the camera...........................

Of course I wanted to, but didn't. I didn't know what to do, but I knelt in front of him, hanging my head, not knowing what to say to explain what was going on when he asked me................he was calm.........his voice quiet, slow, thoughtfully spoken words....my only answer was that "I was sick of crying"..........................he said that this was the place for crying, this wasn't the place to hold things back, or try and control things, that was the place to be what I am, and that if I needed to cry ......I should cry.
 Saying all that......he wasn't happy, he was cross that I had been rude and had gone out of the camera view...........and for that I was to be punished....not for crying...not for loosing my temper ...but for leaving the camera view without permission.

Two ouchy pegs...ones that really hurt were on my nipples...........and then I had to stand facing the wall......with my arms above my head.....................and on tip toe and wait until he was ready to punish me...and in the meantime I was, once again, to think about how I could be a better slave.

And I stood there............... and as the pin spread from my nipples deep iside me, the pressure building, .....my calf muscles burning with the effort of staying on tiptoe,  the balls of my feet  feeling hot, and the muscles in my arms aching, beginning to shake, my shoulders burning with the effort and my nipples pressed into the wall............ I  cried again.

He called me back to him, and I knelt before him again.............and he had me get the vibrator and ram it hard into my cunt, and close my legs.....he had me tie a rope bra, as tight as I could, the rope biting into my breasts, pulled together and upwards...........hard , tight skin, nipples pushed forwards and clamped between the viscous pegs.......and then he told me, as he counted, I would slap my nipples ten times each.
When he does it...it hurts, it makes me gasps, it takes my breath away as the pain shoots into me, filling me..........but when I have to do it to my self, then there is a fight within myself.having to hit my nipples with the peg on.......knowing how much it will hurt.........it is hard.

"One"...............and I tried, I tried to do it, "one"......I tried ..."Do it" and I raised my hand and brought ti down hard on my nipple...............and I hated him for making me do it, but I hated more that he had had to say it three times...................he counted out each one, and I did each one......there was no regular timing to them, which made it worse, the anticipation, the making myself do it hard enough not to have to start again............but I did it.............. and he told me to remove the pegs, and he told me if I did it again, would wae the rope bra for a whole day.

He sent me to clean up, to remove the vibrator, to undo the bra and to lie down and go to sleep and he would talk to me in the morning................and to call him if I woke up.

I  woke up about ninety minutes later and called him............and we talked about what had happened...........he talked about my over reaction to his "playing " with me, that it was meant to be a bit of fun............we talked about what was the reason for my punishment, he told me he loved me again, and told me to go back to sleep and we would talk in the morning.....................and I slept without nightmares.and when I woke in the morning he was there and said to me"Good morning my little spitting cobra".................I did smile:)