There are those moments and those words when you know, just know that whatever you say, it is going to be wrong.
Your action or inaction is going to get you into trouble. Whatever you say or don't say is like digging a hole and jumping feet first into it.
I have several of those moments this morning.
Firstly I am meant to write words of his choosing on me every day, and for sometime I have not. A circumstance changed and he didn't say anything and so neither did I. As the weeks have gone by, I just thought he had forgotten, changed his mind or lost interest in me doing it, which is fine by me.
Not that I am particularly bothered about doing it, sometimes it makes me all mushy inside, but he has talked about having it tattooed onto me, just under each nipple, and I just hate the idea of a tattoo.
Its just one of those things I have a real aversion to and he knows that, and I suppose somewhere deep in my slavey brain that's what it feels like. so I haven't done it.
Today he asked me to show him my nipples, which I did think was a little strange, as he sees them all the time, and it was only a little later that I realised what he was angling at.......and my heart sank. He asked me why I thought that I was in a position to make a decision regarding what marks I do or do not have on me......................what could I say? Nothing, nothing at all. whatever I said would make it worse.
He was then on a roll, every thing he could think of, he did say it was partly his fault, as he hadn't picked me up on the little slips, sometimes hoping that I would notice myself, but anyway, he was not a happy owner.
He then asked me if I wasn't sure of the rules any more, if I needed him to go over them again........this was the big one.
I know I am allowed to ask for clarification, politely, but I am allowed to ask.
So now what do I do, do I say yes or do I say no?
If i said no and then forgot one or misinterpreted it because I had forgotten it in in entirety then I would be in trouble for not using my brain and asking.
If I said yes, then the implication being that I hadn't been paying attention, and I had forgotten something he had told me.
As I said 'Yes please". I knew it was the wrong answer, but so would "No thank you" have been too.
His reply?
"After all this time, you need a reminder?
Tonight I am to get reminders of each and every rule.
In the meantime, the sharpie pen was used to write "I am a slave, I have no choice. This slave belongs to Sir"
I may not understand the reasoning in this particular lifestyle you have chosen, but I admire the fact that you do with your life the way you want to. Not the way people tell you is the "norm" ... What is normal anyway? I live my life the way I do and many people do not agree, or understand why I do (I am a Muslim woman). I love all people, despite you being different than me. As long as you are two consenting adults...more power to you. Who are we to judge another. You actually seem quite happy living the life you have chosen. May you continue with your path and remeber to be true to yourself no matter what!! :)
ReplyDeleteAnonymous....Thank you for you comment and for taking the time to write to me, you are very welcome. I think that many people make judgment based on all sorts of things that are of little or no consequence. It is how we treat people in life that is important, strangers we meet, family, friends,who ever our paths cross.
ReplyDeleteLife is short, too short to be unhappy, and now I have found happiness, some find it in religion, some in work or family, some in other things.......when everything is a gift from someone else , there is much happiness....it is not always easy.......but I am happy. Thank you for visiting. HS