A blog from a woman on a journey of discovery.

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Thursday, 24 February 2011

Wishing I was back in that cupboard.

He told me that we were eating in the hotel and that he was going down to meet his friend, I tried to ask him who it was, but I couldn't get the right words to ask without appearing to be questioning him about his plans, so I just left it.
He told me to come in about half an hour and meet them in the bar. I sat upstairs fretting about who it was, what was going to happen......and finally I went down to the bar and saw them both sitting there, their backs towards me. They heard my shoes on the floor and turned around, both of them standing to greet me. I knew his friend...........it was an old friend who I had met a long time ago, but I couldn't remember his name, he introduced me to him again and we sat and he ordered me a drink.

They continued their conversation, trying to draw me into it, but I felt a little dislocated from the situation and was glad when we went to the table for dinner.

They stopped talking about work, and his friend"James" addressed me. "So you are home..... for how long?"
I told him I had thirty six hours left, and that they seemed to be flying by so fast. He nodded and told me that it is always that way when you don't want to leave somewhere or someone.

We talked some more about my job and how life was in general, about politics, just  dinner table talk and then my owner order my food for me.James smiled at me, at  the face I pulled at his choice.

And then my owner looked  at me and said, "James was here in the area, so I invited him to join us".

Join us? What the hell did that me? What was he talking about? I tried to keep my face still, to stop my panic from showing, to stop my fears overwhelming my mouth and spilling out in a "What the fuck does that mean Sir", and they both looked at me and howled with laughter .

"Your face, slave," said my owner, "oh my god that was funny".

I blushed and lowered my head, looking at my cutlery,  suddenly filled with great interest in where it was made.

They both laughed some more, and James said "I've joined you for dinner, nothing else ....... just dinner".

Oh floor , please open and swallow me up!

I took a deep breath and calmed down a bit, but them James said "I want you to tell me about the time in the cupboard and about when Icalled yesterday".

And so over dinner I had to describe to the two of them exactly what had happened, how I felt, what he had done to me and what I had done too.
And by the time they ate their pudding, I was red faced and wanting to leave, wishing I had not come to dinner, and that I was still all alone in the cupboard.

 My owner left the table  and I was left with James; he touched my hand and said to me
"You know your owner is very proud of you, how you have coped with such an intense time, and  remember that you never have to be afraid or ashamed of what you have done, because you are doing as you are told, you are doing it to make your owner happy, you have no choice, you should be proud."
and he patted my hand again and smiled at me.

 My owner returned and asked what we were up to, and James told him that we were just talking and he winked at me, I blushed yet again, and smiled at my owner and he smiled back.

He invited James to join us in the room for brandy and my heart sank, because I have to be naked in the room and I didn't know what to do. We walked to the lift and as we got in my owner said, "Yes slave, as normal" how did he know, oh how did he know?

I opened the door for them and then standing in the corner of the room I removed my clothing while he pouerd them a brandy, I passed my owner the rope which he put around my neck and he told me to sit on the floor. So I sat naked on the floor at my owners feet while he talked to his friend, and I sat quietly, hoping I was invisible, that they couldn't see me, I sat still, hoping they wouldn't hear me.............but I was sent to fetch more brandy, and they carried on their conversation as if I was not there.

My owner reached down and stroked my hair a couple of times, stroked my nipples and played with the bars and that was it.
 After and hour or so I was asked to show James out, he said good bye and kissed me on the cheek, said "next time it will be more than dinner" and was gone.

"Oh slave , I have never seen you so quiet and so still, I know what to do when I want peace and quiet now"

I wondered what was going to happen next and sat at his feet, waiting, and he continued to stroke my hair, and I began to relax, he took me by the hand and led me to the bed, tucked me up, and told me to sleep and he would be back later, he had some stuff to do and I was to sleep.

He kissed me goodnight and left, closing the door wuietly behind him
And this is when things began to fall apart completely, it was now that all the doubts began to surface, this was the time that I began to panic.

The week had been so perfect in so many ways, it had been so intense, filled with all those things that make "us " so prefect, it was filled with happiness and laughter, joy, and all those feelings that we both need.

And soon it would all be coming to an end, it would be over and I really had no idea when I would  be home again. I had no idea what it would be like when I was home, how things would be, how he would be, and how I would be............................and I began to complelety panic about evrything.
There was so much going on in my head, I just didnt know what to do. I thought about getting up and trying to find him, but there were things in my head I didnt want to, or wasnt ready, to say to him and so I did the best thing I could do, I slept.

I was so overwhelemd it was my only option.

I heard him come in and I stayed  "asleep" ,he got into bed and I crawled towards him and clung to him, wrapping my arms around his neck, my legs around his and holding like I was on a sinking ship.

I heard him ask "slave?", but I didn't answer, and he wrapped his arms tighter and I felt him fall asleep.

 And I lay there all night, safe in his arms, dreading the next day and wondering how I would find the words I needed.


  1. Once again - I can only admire and respect. No, you have nothing to be ashamed of.

    I hope you find the words you need.


  2. Thank you for sharing such an intimate encounter.

  3. oh hs, this is truely coming to the difficult part for you.

    blossom xx

  4. Thank you, aisha, sbf and blossom for your comments I am finding this very difficult and really appreciate your support.