For the last three days I have had a head ache. A combination of work, tiredness and stress. I have'nt wanted to do much other than sleep, and on the whole he has let me, when I wasn't at work. I have had several things I have had to do, but I have got sleep.
But yesterday morning he wanted to play, he wanted to make me think.
I didn't want to
I tried everything I could to avoid it.
My face hurt. My head hurt. My hair even hurt.
But there was no getting out of it.
I had told him several times I had a sore head, and he knew.
He had me pull my rope up, again not tight, just enough to feel it, but it felt like it was making my head pound, like each pulse of blood was hammering through my head.
Then the peg went onto my tongue to "stop me talking". I hadn't been talking much, but he was making a point.
Then one on each ear.
At which point I really began to hate what he was doing. My ears hadn't hurt...but now they did.
Then I had to lay down on the floor and wait, and I drooled in my hair.
I hate drool. I hate the smell, the feel, the fact of it, I hate it all.
I cried, pathetically, like a baby I lay on the floor and sobbed, which didn't help my head one little bit.
I cried some more
Then he told me to get up.
And I cried some more.
He asked me why I was crying so much.
Oh I was pissed off with him, why couldn't he see that my head hurt more.
He asked me how much more it hurt with what he had done
And I thought about it , and honestly....It wasnt that much more at all.
I didn't know why I cried so much.
Maybe it was because he did what he did.
Maybe it was because I knew I would have to do something I didn't want to do.
maybe it was because I thought he was being uncaring.
I huffed and puffed and he ignored it.
I cried a bit more and he ignored it.
He told me to get ready and go and do what i had to do.
And I huffed off, grumpy and miserable, feeling unloved, uncared for and hurt by his lack of compassion.
He sent me a text about an hour later.
"I don't do these things to make you miserable, I do theses things because you need to feel the control, I do them because regardless of anything else, it is what you need. If I thought it was harming you, I wouldn't do it. Do what you have to, take a pill and go to sleep and call me when you wake up. I know you didnt want to, but you did. Good girl"
SO very begrudgingly I smiled, did what I had to , took the pills, slept and woke up headache free and happy.
I hate it when he is right.