Today we had a brief chat on msn
It was strange beyond strange. I didn't want to talk to him, but I wanted to know how he was. I didn't know what to call him, but I know had I been speaking I would have called him 'Sir' inadvertently. I can see by what he says he is hurting, and I wish he wasn't , but equally I hope he is hurting and his heart is ripping, thread by thread into a million little pieces.
Thankfully he didn't talk about the baby, the future or the past. We have a shared past, going back a long time, and we have no future together and for me that feels such a relief but inconceivable at the same time.
There are so many things spinning around in my head.............I want to shout at him , to see him looking at how angry I am. I want to stand in front of him and ask question after question until I hold every piece of information I possible can, and then I want time to mull it over and understand.
Mostly I just want to ask why.
He is away next week, and wants to talk to me, he says he wants to talk to me, that we need to talk.
Do we?
I am not sure.
Good question ~ I'm glad you're asking it. Because really, at each step of the way now, it's about what you want.
ReplyDeleteLOVE your new background - so pretty.
hug,
aisha
thanks aisha.......I am glad you like it, I'm really pleased with this one.
ReplyDeleteIf I can just work out what it is I want, apart from the whole truth I think I will be ok, just not sure what I will do with it all...but early days.
HSxx
HS- you might never get the whole truth- or even part of the truth... there is nothing wrong with wanting to know "why" just realize you might never get the answer. Unfortunately his actions speak much louder than any words possibly can. He has hurt you and you have every right to be angry~ what you do with that anger is up to you.
ReplyDeleteWe are here to support you- no matter what the outcome... no matter what YOU decide to do.
~faithful
HS~~no why answer will justify the pain but do what you need to get closure.
ReplyDeleteHeartfelt wishes flow your way.
The background is beautiful and so cheerful. It's good that you are asking the question because even though it's tough to let go sometimes it has to be done for your own sanity.
ReplyDeleteHugs
First of all.... LOVE the photos! I wish I lived somewhere I could go and find wild orchids.... amazing!
ReplyDeleteHe says you need to talk. I think it's time for Him to STFU and listen to what YOU have to say. He needs to answer your questions, apologize for being a disrespectful asshole, and then leave.
Sorry... I'll step off my soapbox now. I just hate seeing good people hurting!!!
Hugs!
I know that every single piece of you HATES him (and rightfully so)...but...as much as you hate him, and as deep as the hatred and hurt lies right now, speaking to him may help you finally get some real closure (and answers), which in turn may help you be able to let him go a little more easily. If he wants to give you answers and explanations, which he more then OWES you..let him. Then say good-bye and walk away forever. Karma is a bitch..what goes around comes around, and be content with the knowledge that he will get his. One of these days, someone is going to do to him what he has done to YOU.
ReplyDeleteWishing you peace..
Ragdoll
HS, I love your new photos.. beautiful and cheery.. even if you're not feeling that bright and colorful!
ReplyDeleteI agree that you need to talk with him. I never talked with my ex hubby and always wish I could have. It would not have helped me understand why. but I needed that bit of closure.
I think Ragdoll is so right.. one day , some where in time, karma will bite him hard. No satisfaction for you , I know.
Hugs and more hugs~~
I have been away for 10 days and have just finished reading your recent entries. I am soo sorry for the recent turn of events. I have always thought of you as a slave who was strong and courageous.
ReplyDeleteYour strength and courage are more evident than ever. We all have to make choices that we can live with...and that is sometimes so difficult. I am not sure you will ever get all your answers, but I wish you to find peace...and a Master who is worthy of you.
abby
Hi HS
ReplyDeletei am only back from my holiday and i am shocked to read what has happened to you, i am so so sorry to read the hurt that you are feeling, i can sympathise with you on that , but you are a strong person and will build your life. i cant believe how he could hurt you, after all that you have meant to each other, it just goes to show can we trust anyone we are involved with. i am so sorry you are hurting so much hun but remember all your friends are here for you, i feel so sad for you and cant do anything for you, thinking of you hun. i could say quite a few things about him but dont want to show myself up!!!
Hugs
blossom xx
Faithful....thank you for your support and comments. I am justified in my anger...and it feels good.
ReplyDeleteHSxx
Mindset...I'd like to set fire to his trousers, stick pins in his eyes and know he will have a life of uncertainty and lies.
ReplyDeleteHSxx
SBF....I can control the questions...but not the answers unfortunately. Im glad you like the photos.
ReplyDeleteHSxx
Strongbutsubmissive...Im glad you like the photos....sounds like you havea good view on the situation from your soapbox...I like your view.HSxx
ReplyDeleteMelody/Ragdoll......karma is good...it will come and bite him on the arse big time. I know he OWES me, not sure he does...but I am the one walking away.
ReplyDeleteHSxx
nancy...hi long time no see:) Oh i will be satisfied , i know it will get him. Glad you like the photos
ReplyDeleteHSxx
abby, thank you so much for all your very kind words and support. I will find peace.
ReplyDeleteHSxx
blossom,
ReplyDeleteI hope you had a good trip away .....feel free to say what you want. thank you so much for all your support and love, just becasue u are far away, doesn't mean I don't feel it.
HSxx