Some of the truth

Here  am again......early early morning....have been awake since 3am...the place is quiet, although the jungle is coming awake now as dawn approaches..............

I spoke briefly to him yesterday, he is busy, in and out, on and off the computer............................and  find out why................I find out the truth.

Maybe it is that women tend to be more in tune with their emotions and the vibes given off by others, I know its a generalization and testosterone and emotional awareness are not mutually exclusive, but I do believe we are. Those moments when we get "spooked" when we are out, its there for a reason, when we meet a person and we just instinctively know they are bad news, when we know are kids are sick before they show any signs, when we can tell a friend is troubled and things weigh heavy on their mind...all of these and many more are I feel due to emotional connectedness and emotional awareness.

When someone is struggling with inner turmoil, it must radiate some sort of energy, maybe that is what we pick up on...I don't know. But I do know that he has been troubled. Some of his family members are not well, but it was not that, work has been hard, it was not that either, I knew there was more, a lot more....................

He has not mentioned my letter in the brief conversations we have had, nothing other than at one point to say to me that he was upset. All my out pourings and he was "upset". he didn't refer to the letter, just that he was upset........................and then last night I leanrt the truth, the deep down truth about what has his heart , mind and soul troubled.

Its not guilt at how he has behaved, or how he has lied and deceived me....it is that he has someone else.....

Now that in itself is not a problem. Although he said he would never do this, I did say to him, that slaveiness apart, I would understand that he has physical needs that I cannot possibly meet when I am living in far away land, but he said he was not interested.......

He has someone else.....not a slave...not a sub....no he has a "friend"..................

The reason he has been looking like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders..............yesterday she was admitted to hospital.........in labour.........................that's not an easy thing to explain I guess....no wonder he cannot find the words to answer my letter ...he is too busy thinking of words to explain what is happening...................................