A blog from a woman on a journey of discovery.

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Saturday, 16 April 2011

The control is what I need the most.

I have been thinking........was it fun?  Was it? No it  wasn't.

Was it something he enjoys? Yes I guess it was.......he likes having the control, he like knowing that I will do what he says. He likes to know that he can make me do things I don't want to........but then I guess that's his kink...and mine is knowing I will.

He is into breath play, he always has been....................he likes to place his large hands around my neck and fix my eyes with his and gently squeeze and watch my face. He like to press harder as he fucks me, or as I make myself cum for him.........he likes to control me.

It is a lot more difficult to do this when I am "far away".
Its  a lot more difficult to do this safely when I am not with him.

He sent me back with a clear, very large plastic bag.
He asked me to get all of the toys out, including the bag.........when he says 'Including the bag", my heart sort of leaps and sinks at the time time. I am filled with such a mixture of emotions. I love the control and the feelings that follow it, but I hate the bag itself.

The whole issue of safety is such a big one, the risks involved and measuring it , monitoring it etc is such a difficult thing to do from far away.
So to get over issues of safety, we have the laptop speaker on, the phone on and the camera is always on my face, nothing, but nothing takes his eyes off my face.The play itself is very restricted.

I kneel before him and attach the pegs to my nipples, immediately they begin to bite, to bite into the soft skin of my nipples, making me squirm with pain. He has me flick, pull and twist the pegs until I am begging him to stop...and still he continues.

He has me attach pegs to my cunt and one on my clit and has me flick them, and all the time my cunt is throbbing, getting wetter and I know what is coming.

I want it to start so it will be over..and yet I don't want it to start.
Its not like it is when I am home with him...here there is more fear, far more fear...even though I do know I am safe.

He has me prepare myself. the butt plug is in and I kneel before him ..........and then his phone goes and so I have to lie face down on the floor and wait for him to finish. I can hear him talking; hear him say he is busy, and yet still he talks........he talks business, dates and times, and then he says he must go.

I want him to get off the phone and me with me and yet I want him to stay there and leave me.. I can cope with the pain of the pegs pressed into my nipples by the hard floor, I can cope with it, if I think about it, feel it, wrap myself around it, the pegs on my cunts, squeezing the flesh of my cunt lips.

He gets off he phone and has me kneel again..............I am filled with the vibrator, it is on, the pegs on my cunt pushing and pulling on the delicate flesh .............and then it is time.

He checks the phone is working, that I can hear him there and on the laptop, and he tells me to take some deep breaths..........he counts them, and then tells me to put the bag on, and pull the rope.

It is not tight...it is tight enough so the bag moves when I breath, and i feel the air supply reducing, I feel the temperature rising in the bag, but I know I am allowed to take the bag off if I need to...................but I don't.

Hold my breath

Hold it


............ and then I am to cum
 I am to make myself cum in the bag.........I know I can take it off if I need to
but I don't
I cum ...........................with the bag on........my cunt dripping down my leg.
He watches my face
talks to me
I take the bag off
And I cum again

I curl up on the floor and pull my special blanket down ontop of me.

I drift for what seems like hours with his voice in my ear, he talks of all things and I fall asleep as he talks of work
On the floor with the removed pegs clasped in my hand, I fall into an undisturbed sleep.
The bag is the thing I like the least...........the control is the thing I need the most.


  1. wow... that is tremendously intense HS.

    i like breath play a lot, but have never used a bag... scary, but it sounds as if you both take all precautions necessary...

    i still want to say be careful!!


  2. Interesting, that tension between what you want the least and what you want the most. I feel like there's something important there, and can't put my finger on it. Filing it away...

    I like the image of you curled up under your blanket while he talks.



  3. submissive little one...........in a weird way yes it was.
    sweetkk..thank you for your concern...........he is very cautious....and rightly so. He enjoys it a lot when I am home.
    aisha.......your "something important" intriguing me, i feel that there was something I wanted to say, but don't know what it was, which is why I delayed writing.The last few nights he has talked me asleep.*smile, sigh*

    Thank you all for your comments.