A blog from a woman on a journey of discovery.

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Sunday, 10 April 2011

Humiliation and submission

I was exhausted yesterday after a very sleepless night, and so was very glad when my owner sent me to bed without using me in any way. I think I may have fallen asleep mid usage...........which I don't think would have bee overly impressive. Luckily he knows me so well..so off to bed I went.

In the morning I woke early after a good nights sleep, and he was waiting for me, ready to pounce.
We talked as we normally do and then he started with the questions. He knows that when he asks me too many questions that sometimes I feel overloaded. Its not that I cant cope with the questions, its the answers I find difficult. Having to face some of those things we don't like to face is difficult. He also knows if he pushes me that sometimes I get pushed into a submissive place, and give him what he wants; he knows so well how to do it, which questions to ask, how to push my buttons.

So we had questions like  "Tell me the thing you miss most when you are away, the thing I do to you" or "Tell me what is the first thing you would like me to do when you get back" and other things along a similar theme.

I thought about it before I answered...... What would be the first thing?

Would it be beat the stuffing out of me?
Tie me to a post and whip me till I beg for him to stop?
Would it be to go across his knee and be spanked until my arse was on fire?
NO........................ it was.................
The thing I want him to do most of all, first off.................. is to hold me.
And as for the thing I miss the most?

Its when he strokes mt hair, almost absentmindedly, when I am sitting at his feet, or lying in his arms.

*Few little tears here:( *

But then we moved on to the "Things you don't like" list.

By this stage I had moved outside, and was sitting having a nice cup of tea in a warm breeze, enjoying the cool of the early morning.

He has never been one for showing me in public, no public displays for humiliation or similar. So when he said to me "You can choose....to stand against the wall, to get the bowl or to play with the toy where you are now" I was sort of struck silent for a moment.
"Really?" I asked.
"Really"This was not a joke.................this was for real.

He never ceases to surprise me..........and so I pondered these things in my mind, well not so much pondered them .......rather juggled with them, tossing them in the air, trying to see which was the one that made me feel least exposed and vulnerable.

This was bearing in mind that I would be able to be seen if someone was looking in my direction...not like being on the main street, but if someone was up early and looked out of the window...... there I would be.

I was sent  to get the vibrator, and once more in it went.............mmm nice!

But then he made me decide................such a difficult choice, but in the end I decided to choose the bowl, drinking out of a bowl on the floor.....this would normally be my least popular choice, but under the circumstances it was, I felt, the one with the least rick of being visible.

He told me to put the bowl on the floor and to get on my knees. He told me to position the computer so he could see me lapping from the bowl.

He told me to lap from the bowl like a puppy.
Then to look at him, to take three laps and look at him , and to repeat this until he told me to stop.

Somewhere along the line, I felt myself blushing, the red heat of embarrassment and shame creeping down my neck, the thought that someone else may see me............and then when I looked at him again.

"Now make yourself cum"

So on my knees,lapping from the bowl, looking at him from under the table, I came...............silently..............when what I wanted to do was vanish...but instead I put my head down and continued to lap.

He told me to sit back on the chair, to look at him, I wanted to stay under the table and wallow in my humiliation, to wrap it around myself and cry with shame, but he talked to me. Reminded me that it was not my fault, it was not my choice, it was my job to do as I was told, he told me he knew I didn't want to do it, but the need to submit was stronger than the fear of humiliation and exposure, he reminded me he had made me do it, that I was doing it to please him, that he was pleased with me.
I wanted to crawl onto his lap and be held, to feel his arms around me, to hear his voice, but I also wanted to be left alone....to be able to get my head around how I was feeling.

He could see how I was feeling and asked if i wanted to go...... after a while he let me go, he made me eat breakfast first, he called me two or three time during the day, and sent a couple of text to tell me he loves me, to tell me I was his girl, to make me "feel" those hugs......and now I am big submissive heap.

He is away for a few days working, with little chance to contact me...but its ok.....I am good.......he has "sent" me to a place where I am safe and content to wait until he comes back.


  1. I'm glad you're in a good "place."

    Your blog was not as pretty today, but much easier to negotiate...



  2. aisha, my "good place" was difficult to get there...and I'm hoping I stay there till he gets back.
    My blog looks boring, but I would rather have a boring one that people can see than a pretty one they cant.Not sure what caused it.