Spiders are something I am terrified of..........I can cope with snakes, revolting great big jungle cockroaches, bugs that look like Darth Vader's brother after a nuclear mutation episode, wriggly things with millions of legs, stick insect that just seem somehow to be revolting.
I can cope, at a push, with leeches, although it does make my stomach turn a little when they are attached to a bit of my anatomy.
I almost like woodlouse...but the one thing I just cannot cope with is spiders.
I can cope just about with money spiders, providing they don't go on my face, and I can get them off me as soon as possible, but anything that has eight legs and is bigger than a "full stop" (period for you Americans) brings me out in a panic.
My stomach feels like its falling out as it sinks in a nano second, at the same time if feels as if it is coming up to my mouth as I feel sick, my heart pounds in my chest threatening to breakout through my ribs, my skins crawls as if covered by a million ants, and I sweat...not a lady like glow or ever a little perspiration...oh no....great big drops of sweat form on my brow, run down my back............and I am filled with the desire and need to run away as fast as I can.
There is just one problem, well two actually.
The first is that I cant run. This is not because of all the aforementioned bodily changes happening all at once, but because if I run away and leave the room, then I will not know where the spider is and then when I return to the room, it could appear at any minute............dropping down onto me...creeping up from behind...some sort of armed assault from the flank, and I will not be able to relax until I know exactly where it is.
The second problem is that I cannot kill spider. I have no problems with cockroaches, I have not problems with mosquitoes.....but anything else.............and I cant do it...........partly because they are creatures, but mostly its because of the icky sounds they make when it crushes or squelches.
So anyway...there I was faced by a big spider on the wall...the wall that I was about to walk past, the wall that I couldn't walk past...the wall I was left staring at out of the corner of my eyes, if that is possible. I don't want to look at the spider, just know where it is.
How did I get round the dilemma?
How did I continue on my journey.
I managed to grab hold of a passing colleague...and hold them in front of myself like a human shield and shuffle sideways....all the time keeping one eye on the spider. The colleague commented on my sweaty hands, the heat coming from my body and the grey pallor to my face.....I mumbled something about not being sick, about not having a fever, about being fine and I dashed off to get on with work.
I mean hadn't he seen the plate sized spider with the ferocious teeth waiting to leap on my and poison me with it fangs........................no?
Ok maybe he saw the one about the size of a big pea...half asleep in the afternoon sun...........
Its just a question of perspective I think.