A blog from a woman on a journey of discovery.

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Thursday, 28 April 2011

An honourable man

I have struggled over the last few days as to what to write about. My owner has been very busy at work, and so have I; working fifteen hour days, and we seem more like passing ships in the night than ever. I am so tired when he is awake, and he is tired when I am.

His answer today was that I must get up half an hour earlier to talk to him, hopefully we will now get to spend a little time together.

I have been thinking about writing a post about humiliation. Normally, when I write, I don't think. I just open my laptop, log on and start typing and what comes out ...comes out. But for some reason this is one that I want to think about ........and I am not sure why. Maybe it is because I am not sure what it is I feel or want to write about, or maybe it is something else altogether...anyway...its brewing.

I was going to tell you about the places I have found ants  in the last 24 hours: kettle, sink, cooker...whilst hot, bed, toothpaste, fridge, every floor, coming out of mortar, on a  light bulb and living in my laptop...................but then its not very interesting.

Today is my dad's birthday and I managed to call him, which was fantastic. However, he is getting old and loosing his hearing, and so the "satellite bounce" makes things difficult. he also has Alzheimer, and so sometimes mid conversation he looses the thread, but he has learnt how to deflect things, so it is a little disjointed, But it was good to hear his voice. My dad is awesome, he has one of the biggest brains on the planet, he is so brainy it's unbelievable. Until he got sick, he had the most amazing memory, completely recall. He spoke about fifteen languages, was one of the first computer geeks around, is so well read...and a sense of humour that can floor you with one word.

He has the most amazing eyes; pale grey. That sounds like they are cold, but no, they are filled with warmth, and kindness, humour and delight at the world. Now sadly, there are times when they show confusion where before there was just clarity, times when they show resignation where before it was determination, and other times now ...when sadly they show nothing at all.

My dad is one of the nicest men I have ever met, he is honest and honourable, thoughtful and a real gentleman. He treats everyone the same, regardless of what they do, how they appear, and how they behave, he treats people with respect, and through his lifetime has commanded great respect from the peers and everyone he has worked with.

My dad is not perfect: he can't sing in tune to save his life, but he loves to sing (I think he used to do ti mainly to annoy my mother), DIY is not in his skills repertoire, he cant cook, or change a nappy, he can be frustratingly obtuse until you catch up with him, oh and he can't tell a joke, because he starts to laugh.

My dad is also the baby whisperer....you just hand him a crying baby and within seconds they are calm.....he doesn't even really talk to them, but just holds them. He would spend hours with my children tucked up on his lap as he read the newspaper.

He can strip a chicken with a knife and fork, he can peel an apple in one piece, tie a fly for fishing, ...but doesn't know how to wire a plug.

I look at my dad and wonder why he ever married someone as horrid as my mum. I asked him recently why he is still married, and he told me, its because he married for better or worse, and that he has me and my siblings, and for him that was enough. I wanted to get angry and say that was not enough, but then I thought, it is who my dad is, a man of his word.

I wish I could spend the day with him, but he is always in my thoughts and my heart............might just phone him back again before I go to bed and tell him.


  1. thank you submissivebf, your thoughtful comment made em happy

  2. Happy Birthday to your dad...and take it from me...do call him again, while you still can!

  3. I can feel the love you have for your dad all through this. I'm so sorry he has Alzheimers. You may know my mother does too.

    She was a beautiful person, and when I read about your Dad, it made me well up with tears that I can't feel anymore for my mother. I don't even know if that will make sense to anyone else, but thank you for this beautifully written piece.



  4. yes thanks for this uplifting piece. Your dad will probably be in bed now but I hope you did call him again. Dad's love it when their children call. The only person who calls me on my birthday is my ex-wife, bless her! (One of my sons does send me an email though.)

  5. abby...I did, I did call him again...and he was so pleased,we chatted about nothing for about 10 minutes and said what most dads say "save your money". lol
    Thanks for your comment.

  6. aisha.......I do love my dad, and yes I do know about your mum, and I too am sorry that she has Alzheimer's, it is one of the most wicked of diseases....it hurts people who don't have it too. My dad hasn't 'disappeared' yet, and I am lucky. What you said made perfect sense....the mother you knew and loved so much has gone, and all that is left behind is a 'shadow".
    you talk about "light"....remember her light and I am sure you will smile at the memory.
    Sending love to you.

  7. Malcolm...I did call..and funnily he said to me"i love it when you call unexpectedly":)
    Your ex-wife sounds like a very kind woman. E mails are good too though...they take time to do, you must be in his thoughts. Thanks for your kind comments.