A blog from a woman on a journey of discovery.

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Sunday, 17 April 2011


Good manners are something that I really appreciate. I can't abide bad manners...it is just a basic lack of respect for another person.

I was brought up to be polite...to say 'please' and 'thank you', to hold doors open, give up my seat,to let people out when at a junction, to be thoughtful and respectful.

Now I'm not saying that I am perfect by any means....I am not. But I do try...I really do. I hope that in my dealings with other people that I show then the respect they deserve as another human being. I hope that i treat all people equally, regardless of whether I pass them in the gutter in the street or at some important meeting somewhere with government ministers and royalty. I believ that everyone is equally deserving of good manners.It may be surprising to think that I think of everyone as equally deserving.

When you live in another culture it is always difficult to reconcile your social mores with someone who has been brought up different. To expect people to say 'please' here is like expecting Christmas every day...it just dosn't happen...they say "thank you", but not "please".

They don't hold a door open, its almost impossible to get out of a junction, They have very little respect for anyone....yet somehow they appear to be unfailingly polite...I am not quite sure how it happens but they do.

When I started thinking about manners it was not about here, where I live. "far away", but about manners within a D/s relationship. and how it operates.

My relationship with my owner is one of mutual respect. I respect him as a person, as my owner and respond to him accordingly. I address him as "Sir" and have never called him his name, although I have on occasions called him 'Sir Darling' which has made him laugh, but other than that it is always "Sir".
I will defer to him for a decision, in public and in private I always wait for him to start eating and to tell me I may, I would never sit down until he tells me I can.
I respect his judgement, to make decisions that are best for me, for him, for us, I don't always agree, but that's life.

In return ............he respect me..........he respects that I have submitted to him, given him the control of me, my life.
He is so well mannered. If he is late, he apologises, if he does something he thinks warrants an apology , he would always offer it.

He thanks me for doing things for him, although he expects me to do as I am told, to do what he wants, he thanks me. There is an expectation that I will always do it, but I am thanked when appropriate.

A long time ago, before this life I live now I had a previous owner, who was not well mannered, was demanding, inconsiderate and bullied his way through life, was rude to people he came across and thought  that this as him being dominant...it wasn't it was him being rude.

 I don't really know where I am going with this, other than to say being a Dominant, and owner, whatever you like to call it, does not exclude you from having good manners..... I think that's what I want to say and I am grateful that my owner does...


  1. Yes, I'm big on polite too.

    And yes, being dominant doesn't mean being rude. I totally agree. If anything ~ I always think the more power you have, the more you're responsibility you have. There are things I said and did as "staff" that were funny, little teasing things, that I wouldn't do as a supervisor because now the things I say carry too much weight. It could be hurtful.

    I think it would be somewhat similar in its own way for a Dom.

    Interesting post.


  2. Yes manners are important to everyone. Its something that is doesn't cost a thing, just takes a little effort and the rewards are great.

  3. Yes, politeness can mask a careless attitude, because it can be unthinking, automatic. Aisha expresses an important point: power entails responsibility and the necessity for exercising more care. Lord Ashton's dictum that all power corrupts is not always accurate, it depends on the person wielding that power. It can sometimes generate more care.

  4. aisha, I agree with you, especially about the "staff" aspect compared to supervisor/manager. It is so important not to use a position of power/responsibility as an excuse for bad manners.....Thanks for the comment.

  5. submissivebf...you are right...cost nothing and the rewards are great...especially in how it makes you feel when people respond to your positive, polite approach. Thanks for the comment.

  6. Malcolm, thank you for you comments.
    "Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely".... we see evidence of this erupting all over the world at present. The use of power should always be considered action, whether it be over one person or a whole nation, sadly evidence shows that this is often not the case.