A blog from a woman on a journey of discovery.

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Monday 6 June 2011

Unable to tell him

Just when you think you have things figured out, just when you think are in a place that is safe and calm; something happens. Someone says something or does something and it changes how you view things.

Today I got an email and then I got a phone call...and it said...

"You have holiday....we have booked you a flight in the middle of July,,,,,,six weeks leave".

I felt sick, and then I burst into tears, and then I felt sick again.

And now my emotions are all over the place, I am going home.....I'm going home, yes I am, H O M E

And I have to tell him now that I am coming home, and for some reason I just cant do it,  and i don't know why.

I know he will be happy.
I know he will be excited
But I don't know why I cant tell him.

So here I sit, withe the little black cat, wanting desperately to tell him, but unable to.

16 comments:

  1. hi HS, it's my 1st post here and i wanna say i'm happy for you that you will back home again soon, thru i'm not sure why caused the complicated emotions. May be too excited? or have some worries? Anyway, sending you hugs & best wishes.

    ps. i've followed ur blog for some time and felt deeply of how hard to maintain a long distance relationship. HS, you are not alone, and at least you met Him in real which i still longing for such chance and have more difficulties in keeping the day-to-day communications with my Master. Just my thoughts and hope it give you some support :)

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  2. Hi sl and welcome:)
    Thank you very much for our comment and good wishes. I am not sure why, think maybe I just need to get it straight in my head first. I spoke to him on the phone, and didnt say anything.I am hoping your wish come true to meet your Master one day soon.
    HSxx

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  3. Thanks HS, waiting is hard but i still hoping for that, the sooner may be next year. And, i just started a blogger a/c but still no idea how to start or what to write even He wanted me to keep writing him journals. Your blog set a good example :)

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  4. sl, write what you feel, its your blog. There are lovely people in blogland. Remember to protect yourself too though, and enjoy yourself:)
    HSxx

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  5. Enjoy yourself revelling in the moment. Then I hopeyou'll get another special feeling once you tell Him the good news:)

    K

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  6. wow Hs, that was brill news knowing you will be home soon, wondering why you cant bring yourself to tell your Master though,is it the fear of having to leave again and all that emotional turmoil you went through.

    Hugs to you
    blossom xx

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  7. Hi, HS,

    I don't know... interesting though, isn't it? Seems to me it's a lot like being on a roller coaster, you just got half-way settled again and now you're climbing up, up, up... And once you tell him, it really begins.

    hugs,

    aisha

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  8. :)

    (really pleased for you about that holiday)

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  9. I agree with Aisha, its a wild ride and sometimes you just have to sit back and breathe it all in before you go again.
    Hugs and peace to you

    SBF

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  10. SBF,
    I'm glad you are going home for a bit and it would seem pretty normal for you to be worried about having to leave again eventually.
    It is HARD to do that to yourself again and again.
    But I;m sure you'll fine the words to tell him soon enough~~

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  11. K...the longer I leave it the harder it gets, the revelling has sort have stopped
    HS

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  12. blossom, It is exciting news, really it is, and yes I think you are right, I just know how hard its going to be, but silly all the same not to say anything.
    HSxx

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  13. aisha, a roller coaster is a good analogy...and I'm scared of them too!
    HSxx

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  14. Mistress 160, thanks you, I am pleased too....just not sure
    HSxx

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  15. SBF.........breathing is good, then close my eyes and jump then maybe.
    HSxx

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  16. nancy, I think I might just say "I'm coming home"...just first have to take that leap.
    HSxx

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