Today was one of those days when I would have liked to curl up on the sofa with a big cup of tea, a magazine, a good DVD and my dog. Its rainy and cold, the sky is gray and everything feels damp.
The rain has been falling for about 24 hours now, some of it big slow splotchy rain that feels warm when you have to walk in it, some of the rain is like a fine mist, hanging over the jungle in low clouds and soaking everything, the rest is just rain; endless endless rain.
There was no DVD, no magazine and sadly no dog, instead there was my usual rituals for my owner first things this morning, a quick call to him, but the "satellite bounce" made it difficult to hear him. and then a couple of hours in the gym, where outside the windows I could see a family of monkeys sheltering under leaves.
Through the noise on the phone, I did hear that he plans to use me and to prepare everything; to take ice cubes and my bowl with me to bed..................he knows that it has been difficult for me and has decided to make sure that by the time I meet him. He knows me so well, has turned me into the slave he wants. He knows the affect of humiliation has on me, and uses it to his best advantage and this is where I guess he will start my retraining. we will be working on my mindset, to correct it, to how it should be, that I am ready to submit to him fully again, to follow his instructions and orders without question or delay, to hand over all my trust back to him, and to let him take over my life again.
I am excited, nervous and know the nest few weeks will be difficult , but I know it is necessary.