A blog from a woman on a journey of discovery.

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Wednesday, 5 January 2011

Ripping my heart out and a box of tissues

Today is a very sad day for me.

One of those days where you feel your heart is being ripped from your body, one of those days where you can hardly speak because the pain that fills you, stops the message from the brain to your lips and you are unable to form coherent sentence or sometimes even words.

The sort of day when you hope no one will be too nice to you, because the simplest look of sympathy or understanding of how you feel is enough to send you over the edge.

One of those days where the easiest of things stops you like you have walked into a wall, where you find yourself standing unable to move because you cannot think what you were going to do because the sadness is overwhelming.

I found myself walking along with tears pouring from my eyes, unable to stop them.
I was filled with complete despair.

At lunchtime I looked at my phone and there was a message, not a big long complicated message, a simple message.

My slave x

That was all the words said.........but that is not what my heart heard.

It hasn't made the pain go away, it hasn't made the pain less, but it has made it bearable.

It will pass, it always does; but for the time being I am holding onto those words............... "My slave x" .

That and a big box of tissues.


  1. oh HS... so sorry to hear that you are feeling so low... those days that you describe are so brutal... i understand completely. but those small words... their power to show that you're not alone, that He is in your corner, that you are cared for... this galvanizing force... those are the things that make me feel like life is such a gift, that through the darkness a piercing beam of light can come through and shift things.

    powerful. and lovely. hang in there.


  2. I hope you can always be thrilled to be his slave.


  3. i am familiar with days like this. Tomorrow is a new day and so is the day after that. i hope things look up for you soon.

  4. I'm so glad he sent you that text - it really takes so little to help.

    I'll be thinking of you, sending postiive energy your way, ok?


  5. Keep your chin up and you will get through the tough days. Us Doms have rough days too, so I can identify.

  6. Thank you to you all. Sometimes life is difficult and its so good to have your support and kind words. HS xx