I am in trouble...he was very angry with me.
I told him I would not be able to be on my phone at all during the day yesterday...and I couldn't, I had four minutes to my self from the start of my day to the end.................
It is not that apparently, I can be busy, but its my attitude about it all, its about when he tells me off and I sulk.
Its also about the fact that last night I had someone to stay in my house; I sent him an offline to ask him if it would be ok, as I was forced into into it, well put under pressure to give an immediate answer, and I wasn't going to phone him at 4am and ask him as he has had such problems sleeping.....and that was wrong too
He has told me I am rude, disrespectful, thoughtless, cold and icy.
He doesn't like it when I reply "I don't know what to say". I don't, because whatever I say just seems to get me deeper into trouble and so its better to say nothing.
The last time I told him anything of any great significance....................things were not good and we have not talked about it since (i feel like this is a repeat post here).
It is on the tip of my tongue to say something, to say to him...."You want me to tell you how I feel?" and to just let rip, to tell him exactly how I feel.
To tell him I am sad, and scared to tell him I am "cold" because if I let go of my feeling, if I show him everything will fall apart.
I have a function to go to tomorrow and I had a dress made to go in, one I know he would like,in red, which he likes and I hate, and when I tried to show it to him , it all went wrong and he ended up cross and I ended up in tears........and now he doesn't understand I hate that dress, I hate it, I never want to wear it ............but he thinks I am being silly
I wish I could tell him how I feel, I wish I could, but there seems no point.
He has told me if I continue to be "cold" towards him then "So be it" and I will be treated accordingly.
That I will be used for his fun and nothing more.................
My head is a complete mess, he is too busy, I won't talk, since his stroke he is different and has changed and more than anything I need what is just out of my reach............I want all the old feeling to come back..........and they won't ........or maybe I wont let them.