Update from the hospital, he has to go back in for some more tests, and is waiting for a call as to when to go, he told me he is the top of the list...which made my heart sink somewhat...but at least he IS top of the list......so fingers crossed that everything is ok.
Last night I talked to his old slave, she was his slave for a long time and before I was his, I talked to her a lot, I was given a lot of time to talk to her, and she was very good to me. She is a very generous woman; kind and gentle. Her life was very difficult; family things that she needed to sort out, that she felt couldn't be sorted out while she was a slave, so to cut a very long and complicated story short, he released her.
He still looks after her, and sees her from time to time, he has helped her with the family stuff and I know she will always love him. When I first met her, she knew I was her replacement, and yet she opened her heart to me, and looked after me, made sure that I was happy to be with him. She never told me how to behave, but she did tell me what to expect. She has spent some time with him this last week and she says that all he talks about with me, I told him was being insensitive and funnily enough he took it!
She, for the first time, tried to give me some advice last night. I didn't really want to talk about what had happened, because it is difficult to explain how things came about, what I said to him. and although I have tried to do it here, I know that this blog is somewhat "iceberg like" and only scrapes the surface at time, because I am worried that if I write it ALL down and then reread it I will have to face up to things and address them.
Anyway........back to the advice............. I was allowed to talk to her last night and half way through the conversation, where I was skirting around things...this came
A: : take a bit of advice from a old slave?
slave: : ok
A: you're a slave
A: that i bet still thinks for her self
A): try not to think you're a slave
A: just be a slave
A: it sounds silly
A : but
A: you will see in time that you try to hard
A: its not a job
A: its life
A: we both looked for this
Well this bit of advice kept me awake most of the night. I have a lot of time for A, she is a good friend to me and when we are allowed to talk, it is lovely to be able to spend time with her, but her comment really got me thinking, I mulled it over and over in my head. I tried looking at it face on, I tried looking at it sideways, I even tried sneaking up from behind and looking at it...................and the more I thought about it, the more confused I became but also the more clear it was...sounds confusing?
I was, hence the sleepless night.
The problem is, well one of them is 90% of the time thinking for myself is what I have to do, while I am away, so there is the one of the many dilemmas.........
So what I was wondering is...what do you think of the advice? (not the fact she gave it,) what do you understand by what she said? Do you think it is possible? and if so ...how?
I would be really grateful to get some feedback on this from you all. You have been kind and thoughtful since i began this blog and in the last few weeks I have been overwhelmed by your thoughtfulness, kindness and compassion...so any comments very gratefully received...and you can be anonymous and reply too!