Last night we had some time together, uninterpreted, all work was put aside, everything was put aside and it was just the two of us.
I have been apprehensive, waiting for the reassertion of his dominance as he had be telling me will happen. Half of me has longed for it; to feel that control, to feel my submission, to feel once again, even for just a time the loss of control of being able to give it back to him. I have longed for that feeling of peace deep within me when I know that I have no will, that his will is mine, that I am his.
We talked for a long time, about nothing in particular, we didn't talk about how I have been feeling, we didn't talk about his health, and if i am honest I don't know what we talked about in any detail. I know he was kind and loving, I know we laughed and teased each other, but the details allude me.
The almost in the middle of a sentence he told he to fetch the vibrator and the Tens unit. I was by now wearing the rope that I sleep in.
This rope goes around my feet, tying them together, and then up my back, once round my neck and around my wrist. This is how I sleep at night, or how I have been sleeping until I went to visit him. Since I came back , he has not used this rope, I am not sure why, I have not asked him, and I didn't want it on. Maybe he knew that I was not happy to wear it and so decide not to force the issue, but last night I was wearing it.
He began by having me put one of the pad onto my nipple, stuck over the bar and the other on the very edge, but not touching my cunt, and he turned it onto the first setting.
I put the vibrator in my mouth, with my eyes shut and sucked it to get it wet. and then i had to run it over the outside of my cunt; keeping it away from my clit and I was not allowed to let it go in. The unit was on, and it was just there, I could feel it in the background, but it wasn't overwhelming, it wasn't painful...just there.
He watched me and told me that I was not allowed to cum, I cam very close a few times, but he was very quick to notice and tell me "NO, no cumming". He allowed me to put the vibrator in , forcing it deep inside my cunt.
"Fuck your cunt with that slave, and ........................cum".
And cum I did, a great big one earth shaking one, gasping for breath, shaking all over, and as it subsided and and began to come back to earth, he told me to turn it up from 1 to 4.
OH fuck, it hurt, it really did, and I whimpered and tried to escape it, I tried to get my head around it and he made me begin to use the vibrator again, this time on my clit.
The pain in my nipple made me gasp began to send my head away to some other place, I tried to get there, to stay there where I wouldn't have to deal with it, but every time I began to fall over the edge into that dark place of subspace, he called me, dragged me back to him.
I wanted to let it wash over me, to fill me, I wanted to be wrapped in the nothingness and the everythingness of it, I wanted to float off............but he didn't let me.
And he kept me like that, on the edge of orgasm and the edge of subspace for what seemed like a life time till I was begging him to be allowed to cum, pleading with him, begging him to stop the pain in my nipple, crying..........but he talked to me, talked about control, about how he owns me, how he owns my:
He talked about what I was, what he can do to me, how I am his and I became quiet......I said nothing, I lay there, the rope tight around my neck and with every movement of my hands making it pull, for just a second, tighter, the pain in my nipple seemed constant now and the vibrator filling me with an overwhelming need to cum.
"If you cum, there is a price....................turn it to full...................and cum".
I remember the pain filling me, coursing through my body from my nipple to the top of my head to the tip of my toes and as I came the pain seemed to fill my cunt, as I came over and over again, calling him, calling his name, sobbing.
I heard him tell me to turn off the pain thing, and finally he let me float off to that place where it is everything and nothing.............where I feel everything and I feel nothing at all, where my head is empty of thoughts and full of feelings, and where I wanted to stay.
I heard him tell me to wrap myself up, and I know I did, because when I woke up, I was covered up and I heard him say "You are back".
And he talked again of control and of what I am, and he sent me to get something to eat and then to sleep.
And I slept all night, uninterrupted; there were no dreams, not waking, nothing .......just sleep.........and I woke up and he was there; waiting for me.