A blog from a woman on a journey of discovery.

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Monday, 21 March 2011

a question

Here are some questions I have been pondering for the last 24 hours....

Is realising that what I think I want and need not the same as what he thinks and is not going to happen?

Is knowing that what I say is not going to change things something I have to just accept?

Is admitting to myself that I have given up, submission?
I don't think there is any more "fight " left in me, maybe that what he was waiting for.

 I would be very interested in knowing what you think.


  1. Sorry but I am aomewhat confused when you say you've given up submission and then you say there is no "fight'' left in you.

    The fight comment makes it look like you have embraced submission to him or did I misinterpret what you said.


  2. Dear HS,

    You know i always hesitate to comment because i don't think i understand you well enough to offer my thoughts - i think they'll miss the mark. But - for what it's worth - maybe i have questions back to you, if that's ok?

    What is your submission about? What's the purpose of it?

    I guess i believe pretty strongly that it's about light - increasing our own light and each other's and the balance of light in the universe. But that's just me - what does it mean to you?

    And what needs to happen for that purpose to be fulfilled?

    Many hugs,


  3. HS...first HUGS....You have been in this sad place for a long time. I hesitate to give advice, so this is not really advice, just what I think. I am submissive, not slave, but I believe what we call ourselves is not that important. I have always believed both parties in a relationship have to be getting soemething that they "need" from it...not necessarily the same thing as what they want.

    I do not associate submission as giving up, submission is giving to. My heart aches for you,
    hugs abby

  4. Life is too short to be unhappy. I hope you find happiness soon.

  5. HS.. my heart goes out to you. You've sounded so miserable for many weeks and surely I have no way of knowing what the answers might be.
    I do think that abby and aisha made good points.
    YOU need to feel happy and glad to be giving whatever you give.
    I feel so happy to give everything as a submissive.
    I hope you can find some answers and some joy ... and soon~~

  6. FD...what a difference punctuation makes. I have now added a comma and it reads as I intended...I think.
    I have given up fighting, there is no fight left in me...so my question was...is this submission or is it resignation? or in my situation is it the same thing. I would appreciate your thoughts.Thank you for you comments and questions

    aisha..thank you for your comments, and in response to your question. My submission is two fold;its about fulfilling a deep need within me, it is what I am and secondly it is about serving my owner by submitting to him. And as for what has to happen for the purpose to be fulfilled.....i'm still thinking on that one , but feel a "post" coming on. Thank you for taking the time to think about what to write.

    abby....you are right, it does not matter what we call ourselves, what label, if any we wear, but what is in our hearts. I am no longer sure what is in mine, and I am not sure any more how to "give to" him when I feel like I do. You are right though that is what it is about. Thanks for the hugs and comments.

    Anonymous...thank you. This has been one of the things I have lived my life by for at least the last 15 years, and now I do not know how to change what I cannot Thank you for the comment.

    nancy...your - "and soon" made me smile. aisha and abby always seem to talk a lot of sense.I am generally a very happy person, which is why I think I am finding being miserable so difficult.
    Thank you for taking the time to comment, read back before a few weeks ago, I'm not always such a miserable git!

  7. Hi Hs

    you have been going through a lot of emotions lately and you probably feel as if He isnt listening to you because maybe your not believing in what he is saying to you anymore. Have you shared these questions with Him and if so did His answers to them make any sense to you?

    Just my tuppence worth.

    blossom xx

  8. Hmm i hesitate to comment here with the intent to advise, but maybe I'll just share a little of my story. My need to submit was so strong that at 19 I was drawn into an abusive relationship, and although it wasn't a M/s or anything of the sort, it still felt like submission to me for a long time, till I learned the difference. And after seven years of giving full financial, emotion, social, and physical control of my life to someone who didn't deserve it, someone I had no trust in, no sence of security from giving them that control... I took it back because I felt likt I was.. about to give up. And I really didn't want to give up, as abby put it I wanted to give to.

    For me, I want to be raised up by my submission, even if it's in the form of humilitation, pain, I want to give it willingly, surrender it. Not be defeated into it. I want to revel in each new level of surrender, be made happier and better for it.

    I wish it hadn't taken me so long to actually listen to what my emotions were telling me, I wouldn't have wasted so much time. But I am glad to have learned the lesson of those years, so I may hopefully avoid repeating them.

    Most importantly, a big hug for you!

  9. blossom, that is exactly how I feel....he is not listening, or maybe not hearing. whichever it is...............it is not working very well....we are speaking different languages.
    Thanks for your tuppence worth...always worth a lot more...a bargain:)

    lilmissmojo..thank you for your long and thoughtful comments. At present, I do feel defeated by submission, not uplifted...aisah has talked about "light" and its fast disappearing, this was the very thing we discussed when I went home to visit in Jan, the very thing I feared, maybe it has become a self fulfilling phophesy, I don't know, but I dont like it. Happier and better is a good goal.
    Thanks you for the hug:0